Tagged with sober living …

Jul 30 2012
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Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

What is the history of the YOLS Calendar?

What is the history of the YOLS Calendar? Well, as the embarrassed bridegroom said to the relieved virginal bride, “It’s not a long one.”

But, however short its history, the YOLS calendar does the job. And that job is to provide any fellow dipsomaniacs taking to a year off booze with a little extra motivation.

Even if the self-confessed big drinkers are only going for a month of living sober (MOLS), or a week of living sober (WOLS), by giving them (me/us) a visual representation of their (my/our) accumulated soberdays, the YOLS calendar is designed to spur them (me/us/everyone) on.

Sober calendar

(N.B. Corkboard dipsomaniacs own)

“YOLS? Soberdays? What is this language of made up words? Dipsomaniac? What the hell is that?”

Well, if it’s your first time to the Year of Living Sober (YOLS) blog (and even if it’s not, dear regular reader), let me give you the run down to not only the history of the YOLS calendar but the history of Year of Living Sober too.

In point form it goes like this (N.B. ‘Man’ is me)

Brief ‘Year of Living Sober’ History

- Man decides he drinks too much alcohol too regularly and chooses to take a break for a whole year to make sure he can live happily without booze.

- When man commits to what he decides to call his ‘Year of Living Sober’ he starts a blog to keep track of anything interesting he learns (like the fact a dipsomaniac is a type of alcoholic who craves alcohol intermittently).

- At some point man designs an A4 dual-year calendar which he begins using to mark off (with a pink highlighter) each ‘soberday’ (like a Saturday but without a trip to the bottle shop/liquor store/pub/father-in-law’s Polish dessert wine cabinet).

- Man gets lots of positive feedback from big drinkers like him who DO NOT identify as capital A Alcoholics but DO think they could do with drinking a bit less booze (and maybe agree they too could possibly be a ‘Dipsomaniac’—as long as said ‘label’ doesn’t mean they are the type of person who would double-entry a corn-chip into guacamole after taking a bite).

- Man offers YOLS calendar to others (on Day 62 of YOLS) for free and is pleasantly surprised when others take him up on offer.

- Man feels less alone in his dipsomaniac journey and glad to be of some service to his fellow man and woman (actually, so far, slightly more woman than men have requested YOLS calendars).

- After a few months of distributing original design YOLS calendar man decides to update YOLS calendar with small design improvements because he understands little things can make a big difference (which is something, however, the virginal bride is still debating).

So there you have it. A brief (ish) history of the YOLS calendar. If you’d like one please email me by using the email form HERE. Alternatively leave a comment on this post and I’ll send the YOLS calendar jpeg to the connected email.

My name is Ben and I’m not only the YOLS calendar designer/historian but I’m a dipsomaniac too.

Today is Day 263 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A woman walks into a bar and tells the barman she’s desperate for a White Russian and the barman says, “Nice to meet you. My name’s Ivan Aryan.”

PS. This blog was recently voted one of the ‘Top 20 Excellent Alcohol Addiction Resources’ by a top USA health org on the same day yours truly was quoted in an article on alternative alcohol behaviour for the Sydney Morning Herald (and syndicated to all the major newspapers around Australia).

PSS. Just saying is all.

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Jul 28 2012
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Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

A sober walk in the city

Come with me for a walk. A sober walk in the city.

Today, let’s forget about the never-ending debate about what makes someone dependent on alcohol, an alcoholic, a dipsomaniac or a teetotaller and simply enjoy what life has to offer. What’s on offer today? A walk in the city where I live, a walk in Melbourne town.

Now, in my past I’ve lived in Sydney, worked in Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide and Hobart, and visited most of the other big smokes in Australia too, but the place I call home, and have done since I was a wee teenager, is Melbourne.

Melbourne’s where I had my booze-fuelled beginnings, where I did my early drinking and continued party-hearty’n before moving overseas in my twenties (to down me a few pints in London town). Melbourne’s got a great nightlife but it’s also got a great day-life.

We love our cafés in Melbourne and though I live outside the city—about a thirty minute drive from where all the cool coffee spots are—that just means I value it all the more when I get to take a trip into town. Like I did the other day.

And this is what welcomed me at the café of choice for my impromptu lunch without the family.

water in a beer bottle

The big brown bottle is a beer bottle. It holds 750ml of whatever variety of ale you like. Mostly, when I was growing up, that bottle would have had a green sticker on it with ‘Victoria Bitter’ printed on it. Occasionally I might have purchased a brown bottle with a ‘Fosters’ blue label. If nothing else was available maybe I’d have stooped to ‘Melbourne Bitter’ (red). Not often though. I wasn’t a big fan of Melbourne Bitter.

Over the years, and as my tastes evolved, I got onto ‘Cooper’s', another Australian beer brand, but, and this is relevant here, their bottle was a different shape. You see, even without any label the beer bottle holding pure complimentary café water evoked in me a memory of drinking alcohol. Of course it would, I mean it’s a beer bottle after all but, I thought it interesting how, it also evoked in me a sense of brand; which beer I drank. And when.

Interesting.

Then my coffee came.

A long black in Melbourne

Nice. And it tasted as good as it looks. I sipped away, pulled out my notebook and started scribbling whatever I imagined was important at the time (I think I was writing jokes for a sit-com I’m working on) and waited for my lunch. Lunch wasn’t long.

Spinach and fetta pie

See? Told you. The spinach and feta (maybe ricotta?) pie was, like the coffee, as delicious as it looked too. I tried not to rush eating it but as I was due to pick up my father-in-law (who can’t drive at the moment due to his hip-replacement) I didn’t dilly dally either. Ten minutes or less later the veggie-slice delight was gone, and when my coffee was finished too, I had another glass of water, after pouring it from the beer bottle, and ventured outside. Walking along the pavement I caught eye of another beer bottle, though this one was wrapped in a brown paper bag.

Beer bottle in brown paper bag

Whoever this bottle belonged to was nowhere in sight. I don’t think it was full but it could have been. I didn’t pick it up. I just smiled wryly to myself, thinking about my year of living sober, the beer bottle as a water bottle at the café and now this: the beer bottle of shame; the beer bottle of a street drinker; the beer bottle of a thousand cities.

Walking along (at a good clip—my father-in-law was waiting after all), headed back to my car, I spotted something else which made me stop and again swipe open my camera-phone. Street art. On a wall a couple sprawled, reaching or swinging in space, for what, from what, I wasn’t sure?

Now as I reflect on my sober walk in the city—with a short interval for a spot of lunch—I remember it doesn’t matter I wasn’t sure why I was so captivated, however briefly, by this painting, but that I was captivated. Someone’s art stopped me. And that’s a beautiful thing.

Melbourne street art

After all, art is what you make of it; the same thing can mean something different to everyone. But I’m sure there’s a reason certain things catch our eyes, and mean something to us only we will ever know.

Like that beer bottle full of water.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 261 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

An astronaut hippy walks into a bar and the barman says “How’s gravity treating you?” and the astronaut says, “Heavy, man. Heavy.”

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Jul 26 2012
4 Comments
Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Year of Living Sober makes NEWS around the world.

Don't believe everything you read

Read all about it!

“Year of Living Sober makes news around the world. Dipsomaniac writer quoted in national and international media. Personal goal to go a year without one alcoholic drink causing a stir with Alcoholics and Teetotallers alike.”

Or something like that.

But yes, it’s true. Yesterday, your’s truly was quoted in an article for the Sydney Morning Herald. And afterwards, for a good few hours, ‘Cheers for the abstinence advice, but it’s not working’, the article I was quoted in, was the most read and commented on at the SMH website. By far. It seems like trying new ways to moderate our alcohol intake is a hot issue.

Cool.

The entertaining and well researched article by Gary Nunn (@GaryNunn1 on Twitter, a fellow booze lover, but one who banned himself from wine two years ago and now only drinks spirits) was also syndicated to most of the major newspapers in Australia including The Age, The Brisbane Times, WA Today and The Canberra Times. Not surprisingly, after the mention of this blog in that article things went a bit ballistic here too.

Readership of Year of Living Sober has been growing steadily anyway but with the extra coverage from SMH we received more visits yesterday than any single day previous.

Cool, cool.

I was pretty happy thinking lots more people would discover what an hilarious (and grammatically aware) writer I am and how taking a break from booze for a year isn’t as crazy as it might sound. Or is crazy. Whatever—hopefully it’s occasionally entertaining.

Then, as I watched my new visitor stats soar on the old WordPress blog counter I also discovered via my referred links list YOLS had been linked to by a USA website citing Year of Living Sober as one of ‘20 exceptional alcohol addiction resources‘.

What? Me? YOLS?

On the same day YOLS was referenced in the Ozzie papers it was also featured on a website which in turn has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times and USA Today? How about that?

Cool, cool, cool.

Year of Living Sober Top 20 Exceptional Alcohol Addiction Blogs

While I’d like to play it cool and say I could care less if the mainstream media pick up the story about my year of living sober—and that it is a personal mission I’ve decided to share with anyone who’s interested in an alternative approach to managing alcohol, and one which doesn’t seek, or need, approval from external sources—that would be disingenuous. And the one thing above all others which I try and do here at YOLS is tell it like it is.

And so I will: I was rapt with the extra coverage.

Now, I don’t only have a wonderfully loyal readership (who got on board when this boat was just sailing) I’ve also had an opportunity to share some of the 104 posts I’ve made since Day 1 of 365 sober with people around the world.

So I guess there’s really only one more thing to say about all that: thank you. Thanks to Gary Nunn and the Sydney Morning Herald for mentioning Year of Living Sober (and my Twitter handle, @YearOffBooze); thanks to kwikmed.org for including Year of Living Sober in your list, and thank YOU for reading this far.

I love writing this blog and I love that more people are discovering it every day.

Cheers!

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 259 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

An agony aunt journalist walks into a bar and asks the barman for a beer and the barman says “What? No whine for you today?”

P.S. If you’re new to Year of Living Sober you might like to start with ‘Top 40 Popular Posts So Far‘ which is, as you might expect, a list of the forty most popular posts so far.

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Jul 25 2012
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Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

‘Top 40’ Popular Posts So Far

Why does every hangover feel the same?

Drinking alcohol is popular.

Who would have guessed not drinking alcohol is popular too though? Not me. Not before I started this blog anyway.

But since I have started blogging about my year of living sober I’ve not only learned about myself by writing about my experience with temporary teetotalism, I’ve also learned there are many other people like me who are keen to take a break from drinking, if not give it up completely.

Finding some middle ground between binge drinking and total abstinence may be a tricky goal for anyone who even has to ask themselves the question of whether they drink too much—or for the ‘right’ reasons, but it is one, I’ve come to understand, I’m not alone in having; there’s a lot of us who want to continue to enjoy using alcohol but who don’t want to let it use them.

But exactly what are the most popular posts on the subject of temporary sober life?

What is the angle most readers come to explore? Is it alcohol in culture; alcohol and health, alcohol and addiction or alcohol and…dare I say it…fun? Well, as far as I can tell from the ‘Top 40’ Popular Posts So Far below, it is a combination of all of these and a few more too.

Though, the fact the most popular post is 10 Funniest Alcohol and Bar Jokes Ever! does give a hint to what people come to YOLS blog for, namely a light-hearted look at what is often a serious subject.

Having said that, since the second most popular post/page is 10 Reasons To Give Up Alcohol For 1 Year I guess you could surmise readers also want a bit of encouragement and motivation to make a healthy change.

Well hopefully YOLS offers a combination of humor and positivity while always sticking to my number one priority of simply telling it like it is; I used to drink a lot and I wanted to see what life was like for a year if I didn’t.

And I decided to write about it.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 257 of my year of living sober.

‘Top 40’ Popular Posts So Far

1. 10 Funniest Alcohol and Bar Jokes Ever!

2. 10 Reasons To Give Up Alcohol For 1 Year

3. How to Have More Powerful Erections (Without Pills!)

4. I’m not an alcoholic but…

5. How Giving Up Alcohol Makes You Vulnerable: 5 Things I’ve Learned So Far

6. Why should Alcoholics have all the fun?

7. How to celebrate without alcohol

8. Top 5 Teetotaller Responses When Offered A Drink

9.  What is a Dipsomaniac?

10. What’s the real cost of booze on your body?

Year of Living Sober-I'm Not an Alcoholic meme

11. Top 6 ‘Year of Living Sober’ Values

12. 5 Things Alcohol is Fantastic For

13. What Everyone Should Know About Temporary Teetotalism

14. 100 Days Sober and the Temporary Teetotalism Movement

15. Are you an Alcoholic or a Dipsomaniac?

16. Are you a happy, angry, lustful or know-it-all drunk?

17. Could you give up coffee for one year?

18. No booze for me, I’m on a YOLS.

19. Straight Edge Daddy in the Night Garden

20. Funny Role Models

Balancing alcohol intake

21. Programmed to Drink Alcohol

22. Is a year too much? How about a month of living sober?

23. Is today your ‘Soberday One’? Temporary Teetotaller or Alcoholic, you’re not alone.

24. Top 5 Ways to Cut Down Alcohol Consumption

25. Honestly, giving up drinking is difficult

26. Drunk Zuckerberg vs Teetotal Trump – Alcohol & Money

27. In Bed with Thailand Honeymoon Oil

28. Does this booze blog have a mission statement?

29. Do you like to make lists?

30. Do you ever feel fractious? I do.

Big drinkers can get sober too

“My skateboard’s got a wonky wheel.”

31. Alcoholics Not-So-Anonymous: Feeling the love on Twitter

32. Calendar Boy

33. Could you give up chocolate for a year?

34. Snooki Loses Booze and Loses Weight

35. DAY 24: Meditation on Alcohol

36. Day 40: Forty Days and Forty Nights…DRY!

37. What’s your next step in healing?

38. 80 Days Sober And My Pubic Hair Drinking Problem

39. Two Weeks Sober! (Two down, fifty to go)

40. What’s in your Rocket Fuel?

Year of Living Sober visual gag

“He’s behind you!”

☆

Little Booze Joke

A meat pie walks* into a bar and the barman says “What are you drinking?” and the meat pie says, “Nothing for me today. I’m off the sauce.”

*You didn’t know pies had legs in them, did you. They’re the grisly bits.

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Jul 20 2012
6 Comments
Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Why should Alcoholics have all the fun?

Big drinkers can get sober too

“My skateboard’s got a wonky wheel.”

Why should Alcoholics have all the fun, hey?

In my previous post I looked at how to celebrate without alcohol. But for some people a good time means always getting hammered. And sometimes it can seem like alcoholics are having all the fun.

Alcoholics get to have fun by loudly singing songs out of key at office Karaoke parties; they get to chase cars naked down the street after domestic ‘disturbances’, and they get to generally live the high life—of having to be high to get through life, just by being an Alcoholic.

Fun.

Fun, fun, fun, fun, throw-up, fun.

But maybe ‘fun’ isn’t necessarily the right word to describe the series of events which gets someone to the rock bottom point where they finally admit to themselves—and the world—that they are powerless against the powers of the drink.

And though it might seem like it at the time, experiences like forgetting you’re not wearing underpants when you decide to disrobe at the office Karaoke night aren’t really ‘fun’ are they? Even if they do make for good alcohol war stories. Like some of these fun alcoholic experiences do too:

- Doing that magic trick you used to do of turning money into urine

- Blacking out and being unable to remember how you got home—riding a shopping cart

- Pissing in your own pants—AFTER taking them off.

And the list goes on. Vomiting up dinner before breakfast, losing friends who didn’t get your racist/sexist/homo-phobic jokes were IRONIC*, and all those times you made the opposite sex cringe at your smooth pick up lines: “Come here often? Or do you think you’ll make it back to mine BEFORE you come?”

Sexy.

So why should I, a self-confessed dipsomaniac, a ‘part-time’ booze hound, care what the full-timers are up to? Even though I choose not to define myself by the label ‘Alcoholic’ I can and have experienced most of what proper Alcoholics brag about confess to at their meetings. What am I missing out on?

Nothing.

I’m missing out on the nothing. The ‘not drinking’. I’m missing out on the chance to go cold-turkey, simply because I don’t identify with the term Alcoholic. Or at least I WAS missing out on long-term sobriety—until 252 days ago. Because that was when—on 11/11/2011—I realized’ “why should alcoholics have all the fun?”

I decided I too would get in on the sober act with my ‘Year of Living Sober’.

Going sober has been great.

It has. I’ve enjoyed increased productivity, clarity of mind and, of course, saved lots of dosh. And it strikes me as a bit of a shame that more people might not experience prolonged periods of healthy alcohol abstinence simply because they either:

a) have never thought about going a week, month or more without a drink

Or

b) are scared of being identified as an Alcoholic if they do?

Okay, it might be a bit confronting to admit we have a problem that is in any way associated with an ‘addiction’ but, if we can’t go sober for even a short while, maybe that’s exactly what we have?

Because you don’t have to be an Alcoholic to suffer the negative effects of alcohol abuse.

That’s why I think even moderate-to-heavy drinkers should be allowed to see life though the clear eyes of a non-intoxicated body without fear of being judged either an Alcoholic or an Alcoholic-in-denial (as I have, more than once, been passively-aggressively accused of being). Shouldn’t they?

Even us seasoned-yet-not-to-the-point-of-semi-permanent-drunkeness drinkers should have the right to get in on the fun that comes from going off the booze.

And it doesn’t have to be permanent.

Temporary Teetotalism

Maybe even just one week (WOLS) would be a sober eye-opener. Perhaps one month of not drinking alcohol (MOLS) might be enough to create a new habit that lasts another month? Who knows where some temporary teetolism (as I like to call it) might lead. One could start with having a few days off and end up going the whole year. From one day sober to 365.

That’s what happened to me.

Pre-YOLS I used to try not to drink EVERY night of the week. That was my way of controlling my alcohol habit. While I almost never drank alcohol for breakfast (Champagne and orange-juice brekky anyone?) and rarely drank at lunch (afternoon drinking makes me tired and sleepy and often times gives me a headache too) I was/am fond of a some beer, wine and maybe spirit at night. But by consciously choosing not to drink on Monday and Tuesday I thought of it as my weekend off booze.

But eventually I wanted more. One or two nights off wasn’t enough. I had a taste for the sober life which led me to have the odd month completely off alcohol.

I know. A month without a single alcoholic drink? Crazy, isn’t it.

But then it got really out there. What happened next even caught me by surprise. I went for the whole year!

And here I am now. On Day 253 of the 365 days I’ve committed to remaining completely sober. These days I even check chocolates and desserts for hidden liquor! Cause, like I said. Why should Alcoholics have all the fun?

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 250 of my Year of Living Sober.

☆

*Little Booze Joke

Mel Gibson walks into a bar and the bartender says, “What’ll it be, Mel?” and Mel says, “Jews start all the wars.”

 ;)

How about you? Does fear of being labelled an ‘Alcoholic’ (by someone else OR yourself) stop you stopping, even for a while? Love to get your comment.

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Jul 17 2012
14 Comments
Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

How to celebrate without alcohol

One thing that sometimes throws people into a spin, when I tell them about my year of living sober, is they wonder how I cope not drinking at special occasions.

Especially celebrations.

“What about champagne? Surely you can have just one glass?”

No, I can’t. I won’t; I choose not to.

But I understand. Most people—myself included—equate celebrating with drinking. As I celebrate Day 250 of my year of living sober, I realize though, in that time I’ve learned many ways how to celebrate without alcohol.

And not just by taking illegal drugs or throwing wild sex parties.

Is it time for a drink yet?

Actually, it’s not just sex and drugs that can make for a good party, if you hold your breath long enough you can also get a certain kind of ‘high’. Sure, you get a headache as well, but nobody said creating a false sense of elation or well-being doesn’t come without a cost.

Or doesn’t it?

Maybe you can celebrate without drinking alcohol (and without any chance of a hangover or regretting foolish drunken behaviour)? Maybe all sober celebration requires is a little effort to focus on the very thing you are celebrating rather than the by-product of the celebration, ie. booze?

Also, why should alcohol be the only way we mark a celebration. Well, actually it’s not, is it? We buy presents too. And since giving up booze for a year I recently bought myself (well the wife and I decided together) something a lot more useful than a few cheap bottles of red: a whiz-bang digital SLR camera.

And though I’d wanted one for years, with two baby girls to nappy, I couldn’t rationalize spending a bit over a grand on a luxury item. But then, with all the money I’d saved by not drinking alcohol, I let my wife ‘convince’ me we should get a fancy pants pixel-pic-taker for my last birthday. So we did. I did.

Cool.

Of course there are heaps of other ways to celebrate without spending lots of money too, isn’t there?

You can drink non-alcoholic sparkling wine (sometimes known as lemonade), or ginger beer, or do what my father-in-law does on special occasions and order a lime-spider.

You can go out to a fancy restaurant and spend the money you save on expensive wine by taking in a show as well (or maybe getting a limousine—regardless of whether you’re celebrating a wedding, hen’s night, eighteenth birthday, or just a night out without the kids).

You can charge your glass with water and toast to the health, good fortune and continued exciting sex-life of your great-grandparents at their seventieth wedding anniversary, safe in the knowledge, come home time, your partner will benefit into the wee hours of the morning with your unsozzled sensual attentions.

Party!

THINGS I’VE CELEBRATED SOBER

Since I began my YOLS on 11/11/2011 I’ve had a lot to celebrate.

The biggest ‘thing’ was undoubtedly the birth of my second daughter when, after 70 daily posts in a row here at YOLS, I even allowed myself a few days off blogging to mark the occasion. I took lots of photos too. And I probably cried a couple of times (over the baby, not the blog). But I didn’t have any of the celebratory wine I was given by some friends; that bottle is still sitting unopened in my cupboard waiting for the end of my YOLS.

As well as our beautiful baby girl’s arrival there’s been more cause for celebration over the last 250 sober days. I’ve also enjoyed lots of other special occasions sober including:

- Christmas (when I celebrated by eating more desserts than I should); a family wedding (when I celebrated by drinking two energy drinks and dancing alone on the dance floor!)

- New Year’s Eve (when I celebrated seeing a rare New Year in without the prospect of a New Year’s Day hangover) and…

- Many BBQ’s over summer, when I celebrated the fact my not drinking beer and wine resulted in me not pigging out on bread, chips and fatsauages (my word).

CELEBRATE SOBERDAY TODAY

But what about today? What have I got to booze-free celebrate today? Not one thing. No, not ONE thing—TWO (gotcha!). I got at least two things to celebrate today and, now I know how to celebrate without alcohol, I have more ways to celebrate too.

- Today I’m not only celebrating reaching the 250 day mark of my year of living sober I am also celebrating completing the manuscript to my second novel. And, even if it sounds a bit strange, I’m celebrating that milestone by doing more writing. This blog post is another celebration of the power of words to connect like-minded people from all around the world.

To be able to get an idea, write something, publish it then be responding to comments (hopefully) within the course of a few hours is bloody fantastic, if you ask me. I love it.

Which leads me to the second thing I’m celebrating today…

- Today I’m celebrating getting an ‘Illuminating Blogger Award’ (from one of my favourite bloggers, Deanne Achong) by passing on the love and following the award ‘rules’

1).  Leave a comment on the original award site.

Done. But will probably ‘do’ more.

2). You have to choose 5 other bloggers to nominate:

Each of these bloggers illuminate with a natural writing voice which strikes me as sincere—and therefore original and unique. Why not check out:

- Obsolescence Project

- FiftyfourAndaHalf

- Bored Dandy Emotional

- Social Drinker, Part-Time Thinker

- Free Range in Suburbia

3). Share a Random Fact About Yourself:

I have mild asthma but haven’t let it stop me. In the past I didn’t let it stop me being a social smoker and I don’t let it stop me jogging now. While my Gemini split personality might be blamed for such reckless behaviour—of being born with weak lungs and then taking up smoking and jogging (with a ventolin in my pocket), I am proud to say I have only ever attempted to do both (smoking and jogging) at the same time only once. Maybe twice.

And I lived to tell the tale.

So, while surviving multiple bad habits, reaching Day 250 of my year of living sober, having a new manuscript under my belt, and getting much appreciated recognition for this blog are all things worth making a bit of a song and dance about it’s not just those great milestones that have me reaching for the party-crackers and sparklers. No, what really makes me want to celebrate today is how I can be thankful and rejoice for having so many good things in my life, without needing one glass of champagne.

Though, on the 11/11/2012 that might all change.

Maybe I will celebrate the end of my year of living sober with one day of drinking alcohol. Probably not the WHOLE day though. It’s not like I’m an alcoholic!

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 250 of my Year of Living Sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

Q: How many champagne bottles does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One. Properly aimed.

:)

How about you? Does alcohol always feature in your celebrations? Love to get your comment.

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Jul 15 2012
3 Comments
Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

5 Things Alcohol is Fantastic For

 

Year of Living Sober visual gag

“He’s behind you!”

I haven’t always been a temporary teetotaller.

Before I committed to a year of living sober I used to drink. A lot. And, though my memory of some alcohol fuelled events is, shall we say, a little hazy, I do remember that alcohol is fantastic for some things.

And not just getting drunk.

Alcohol is also fantastic for bringing out your inner sarcastic prick. Like irony? Facetious ribbing not enough for you? Try ALCOHOL and really let your friends, acquaintances and work colleagues know why you’re the wittiest fellow/chick since Oscar Wilde/Dorothy Parker.

“I drink to make others more interesting.”

And

“Have I told you that joke about the sleazy sales-rep who gets his dick caught in the photocopier?”

That kind of thing.

But unfortunately, and for some strange reason, Alcohol has been getting a bad wrap lately. If it’s not reports about increased alcohol related violence or studies showing how alcohol reduces a man’s ability to be a man, it’s this bloody Temporary Teetotaller Movement (of which I am a part) spreading from Australia, all around the party-poopin-in-your-binge-drinkin’-pants world, which is giving so much bad press to what was once to so many an old friend.

And I am guilty as charged.

Yes, Booze. I’ve turned on you. Maybe not permanently, but for the time being I have. But, in an effort to remember just what was so wonderful about getting slammed today I’ve come up with ’5 Things Alcohol is Fantastic For’.

Because, let us not forget, booze is bloody marvelous for some things. After all we all know drinking is not only cool it provides experiences only fermented yeast, sugar and bacteria can give us. So, here are…

5 Things Alcohol is Fantastic For

1. Arrogance

Seeking to improve your arrogance? Look no further. Try alcohol today. While you may need more than a few glasses of vino to start thinking you know it ALL, some people have been known to experience an inflated self-importance and unquestionable sense of entitlement after only a sip. If you’re one of those lucky ones to have such a chemical reaction to booze then—CONGRATULATIONS! Think of the money you’ll save and the humility you’ll never suffer. I’d say “Well done” but you don’t need anyone’s approval—you’ve got more than enough of your own.

N.B. Alcohol may also pump up your obnoxiousness muscle to Mr Olympia proportions but as obnoxiousness and arrogance often go hand in hand (like a couple of loved up body-builders comparing bitch-tits) we’ve included it under this heading.

2. Paranoia

Not only is alcohol is fantastic for getting people talking freely about themselves it’s also great for helping you talk freely about other people. Gossip, they call it. And a known side effect of gossip, and indulging in gossip, is at other times you’ll get the sick feeling those friends you can’t meet up with tonight down the pub will be talking about YOU.

3. Violence

Too timid? Fed up with being the peace lover? Ever fancied losing your temper and punching a hole in the wall? Maybe alcohol’s the answer? With alcohol you can go from a mild-mannered ‘Gandhi’ type to a bar-storming mindless ‘Mike’ Tyson in, sometimes—if you’re not too much of a wuss to refrain from joining in speed-drinking games, less than an hour. Taste the blood. Liberate your inner beast and watch the other cowards cower. Feel what it’s like to have a bit of another man’s ear in your mouth.

4. Sport Appreciation

Alcohol is brilliant for turning a once disinterested sports-fan into a psycho-pathetic supporter. Froth at the mouth, threaten the children of referees whose parents were’nt married and pull the kind of tortured faces normally only seen on, well, torture victims. Feel the pain of a missed kick at a ball. Know what it’s like to care deeply about one group of young men beating another group of young men at running and jumping. All this with just a few beers.

5. Gambling

You won’t win more but you’ll think less. Betting the house will seem like an inspired idea when you’ve had enough booze. Nobody thinks about losing their shirt when it’s covered with fresh bourbon stains.

So there you have it. Five things alcohol is fantastic for. As well as being the best known cure for humility, and excellent at stripping rust off engines, alcohol is good for so much more; alcohol has the power to transform human behaviour to that of a mindless animal.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 248 of my Year of Living Sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

Q: How many drunk teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to change the lightbulb and another to Tweet a picture of the other being electrocuted.

:)

Do you have anything you find alcohol fantastic for too? Love to get your comment.

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Jul 11 2012
3 Comments
Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Top 6 ‘Year of Living Sober’ Values

sober living values

Year of Living Sober is all about having fun.

Forget that little fact that I haven’t had a drink for 244 Days and won’t be having one for another 121, life has been, and will continue to be, cool, crazy and everything else life can be—without me needing to have any alcohol to make it better.

Or worse.

But why would I drink to make life worse? Well, I wouldn’t. Not consciously. But that’s just it, and why I began my YOLS in the first place. I wanted to break a habit which had become unconscious. I was just going through the nightly motions of filling up my glass and filling up my body with booze.

So I stopped. For a year.

sober for most of the year

And I started a blog about it.

In fact today marks a milestone with this blog. Not only is today my personal two-third-of-a-sober-year mark (Thank you! Thank you!), today is also the 100th post at Year of Living Sober.

100 blog posts about giving up alcohol for a year! And I’m not finished yet.

To celebrate this double milestone I thought it would be fun to use this post to highlight some of the values which have emerged simply by writing about my temporary teetotaller adventure. I didn’t start this YOLS or this blog by sitting down and figuring out what I was trying to achieve, or what I wanted to ‘embody’, but with the passing of time (244 days) a certain feel to this exercise in temporary teetotalism has naturally evolved.

So, following up from a recent post about the Year of Living Sober Mission Statement, I present here for your reading pleasure and mental pontification the Top 6 ‘Year of Living Sober’ Values.

Top 6 ‘Year of Living Sober’ Values

1. Humor.

YOLS offers a humorous angle on teetotalism and, what can be a very serious issue (alcohol addiction).

Frankly, alcohol is a pretty funny subject. Forget drunken calls to ex-girlfriends which have you accidentally proposing to roommates (he was pissed off, I can tell you!)* drinking something called a ‘depressant’ to cheer up is not only ironic and dumb (speaking as a dumb person, BTW) it’s also hilarious.

2. Absolute Honesty.

YOLS offers an honest and frank account of how a former big boozer handles a year off booze.

Not just honesty mind you. ‘Absolute’ honesty. YOLS lets it all hang out with the hope someone, somewhere might be inspired to—if nothing else—maybe feel a little better about their own drinking habits. Plus, by putting myself out there with the blog, I always have a reminder of my goal. Accountability I think they call it.

*N.B. In the spirit of full disclosure I must tell you I never proposed to an ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend in a drunken phone call. He and I only went on a couple of dates and neither of us felt the spark** (**another lie for the sake of a joke).

3. Health.

YOLS offers myself and others encouragement towards making healthy choices.

Maybe the YOLS blog has evolved into a kind of resource for helpful information pertaining to the effects of drinking alcohol? Like how you have a hard time getting hard after hitting it hard.

4. Acceptance.

YOLS offers an alternative to the never-ending debate and politicization around alcohol.

In politic speak, “it is the opinion of this blog that raising the drinking age, heavily taxing alcohol, and other legally enforced control measures of that ilk are not the way to truly liberate people from habits and help them make healthy choices: helpful information presented without religious, political or economical bias is.”

5. Fun.

YOLS offers fun.

Why does a year off booze have to be so serious, hey? It doesn’t. As long as you don’t take yourself too seriously. If I ever have, I’m sorry. I’ll try to walk around with my pants around my ankles more often.

6. Alternatives.

YOLS offers an alternative to the ‘all’ or ‘nothing’ alcohol attitude.

Some people would have you believe if you have one glass of wine for the ‘wrong’ reason, eg. to help you relax on a first date, then you are an ALCOHOLIC. Others define alcoholism as someone who has black-outs and can’t remember major events in their life because they are drunk from dawn to dusk. Personally, I think I’m somewhere in between.

Before I began this YOLS I thought maybe there was another type of person who wasn’t an alcoholic but did sometimes rely on alcohol. Doing YOLS I have come to know there are many people who see themselves more like I see myself—as what might be described as a dipsomaniac; a dipsomaniac being someone who really loves a drink sometimes but doesn’t need it all the time.

YOLS values an alternative to all or nothing.

Above all though the goal of my YOLS and this YOLS blog is summed up in the motto of Year of Living Sober: ‘When a year off is on’. I couldn’t put it any simpler than that. The time had come for a break; I took it.

Maybe one day you will too. Or not. We can be friends either way.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 244 of my Year of Living Sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any helicopter flavoured potato chips?” The bartender shakes his head and says, “No, we only have plane.”

:)

Over the last 244 days have you enjoyed any particular YOLS ‘angle’ more than another? Or is this your first visit to Year of Living Sober? Love to get your comment.

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