Tagged with health …

Aug 11 2012
4 Comments
Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

5 Reasons Why You Should Drink Alcohol

“Is that a bottle in your hand or am I just happy to see you?”

Drinking alcohol is fun.

As such, most people probably wouldn’t need a list of ‘5 Reasons Why You Should Drink Alcohol’ because they would already have a hundred reasons.

Or maybe a thousand?

Unfortunately though, some people out there in Party-Poopersville would have you believe the habit of drinking alcohol can also be bad for you, boring for others who have to endure your drunkenness, and a general pain in the ass for a society which is seemingly increasingly overrun with alcohol related crimes of both domestic and international nature (anyone who’s been on a long-haul flight with almost any sporting team will attest to that last one).

But whatever reformed big drinkers and annoying temporary teetotallers might say to the opposite, I stick to my first claim, which is, as I told you:

ALCOHOL IS FUN.

Sure you might occasionally booze it up beyond your limit and fall into a coma, but what is a walk along the beach without getting a few grains of sand in your sneakers? Enjoying life to the full means getting a little dirty sometimes. And there’s no better way to get dirty—and not just in the bedroom—than by filling up with dutch courage, the devil drink, the dipsomaniacs delight: alcohol.

Which is why today, in what is really a ‘community announcement’, I thought it would be beneficial to have a reminder of what makes drinking alcohol not only fun, but preferable to clarity of mind, composure of emotion, and certainty of not waking up in the arms of a gorilla.

And to make it easy to remember—especially for those of us whose memory has been irreversibly damaged from irresponsible consumption of Dutch Courage (though the manufacturers do state clearly, right there on the label: ‘DO NOT DRINK MORE THAN 2 LITRES OF DUTCH COURAGE A MINUTE’)—I’ve come up with a bullet point list of…

Five Reasons Why You SHOULD Drink Alcohol

1. Alcohol makes ugly people sexy.

Alcohol doesn’t just make you irresistible to the opposite sex it also makes ugly people sexy. And not only other ugly people. Drinking alcohol also makes your own ugliness seem like charm, wit and gosh-darn gorgeousness-aren’t-I. Granted it may only have this affect on yourself but so what? When you drink alcohol no one else matters much anyway. If you drink enough alcohol you may even find farting at the table of a fine restaurant becomes the peak of suave and sophisticated—to you. “Oo la la. Stinky winky!”

2. Alcohol is a great way to get rid of all that spare cash you have lying around.

Do you sometimes wonder what on earth you can spend your hard earned on? Forget the sense of satisfaction from paying the mortgage or saving for you childrens’ education, I’m talking about the kind of fun which can only come from literally pissing away your wages. And, as an added bonus, drinking alcohol can also prove you are wealthy, impressing both strangers and fleeting acquaintances alike. I mean, have you ever ordered a cocktail in Manhattan? Ker-ching. Ker-friggin-ching! “Wow, that guy must be loaded!”

3. Drinking alcohol is a lot easier than thinking up ways to contribute to a healthy society.

The world is f*cked. We all know THAT. If it isn’t corrupt politicians installing new laws THEY will then blatantly disregard it’s cyber-bullying gone mad when old high school Facebook friends throw re-unions they don’t invite you to. Shit. Will the injustice and cruelty ever end? Probably not. But that’s where booze comes in. Forget trying to come up with a way to be a constructive force in a world of destructive and selfishly motivated behaviour, give into the negativity. Wash away your need to feel a sense of purpose and belonging by drinking alcohol. Drink enough and you might not even see the point in living anymore. Or at least of being on Facebook.

4. Alcohol numbs the pain.

Life is pain. Life is pain. And not just for the innocent civilians (mothers and babies, sons and daughters) murdered by government appointed killers (armies) in order to steal their country’s oil. We all suffer. Especially during non-ratings period. To avoid feeling the existential angst which comes from asking the big questions like “Why are we really here?” (surely not to drive cars which run on the lives of innocents) and “Haven’t I seen this episode of MASH before?” simply drink alcohol. Not only will it numb the pain caused from over empathizing with other’s suffering it also makes you think Faulty Towers made more than four episodes.

5. Alcohol encourages open* discussion** between family members.

Ever wanted to tell that bitchy aunt to stuff her Christmas cracker where the turkey leg won’t go? Ever dreamt of telling your parents you can live without their constant encouragement for you to change careers, get married or stop bringing your dirty laundry around? With alcohol you’ll have the nerve you need to really speak your mind. Spit it out, baby. Yeah!

N.B. * heated | ** arguments

So there you have it. Five reasons why should ignore any inclination you might have to cut down or even stop drinking altogether. Hit the sauce hard, I say. I mean, just look at all those benefits!

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 275 of my year of living sober. Yep, over three-quarters (75%) of the way!

☆

Little Booze Joke

An existentialist teetotaller walks into a bar and the barman says, “What are you having?” and the existentialist teetotaller says, “An identity crisis—what am I doing here!!”

How about you? Do you have any more reasons to drink? Love to get your comment.

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Aug 03 2012
13 Comments
Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration, Memories of Drunkenness

100 Day Countdown To First Drink In A Year

“I’ve heard of slow service but this is ridiculous!”

Today marks the start of my 100 Day FADFOY countdown.

One hundred days from now, when my twelve-month-long temporary teetotaling time comes to an end, I will acknowledge achieving my goal of having a year off booze by celebrating my ‘FADFOY’, my First Alcoholic Drink For One Year.

“Woah there, Ben. Hang on a minute. Are you sure you want to do that? After all you’ve lasted a year without a drink, why not keep the sober going?”

Well, in answering the voice of my conscience, the part of me who argues along the same lines of more than a few YOLS blog and twitter friends and followers, I have to say this: I will drink again because…

I’m a man of my word.

And it’s that simple really. I started with the goal of going one year without drinking any alcohol—and that is what I will do. On 11/11/2012 I will reach my goal and, whatever the future brings after that day, I’ve decided to mark the occasion with some tipple.

It’ll be my first drink in a year!

FADFOY: First Alcoholic Drink For One Year

“What alcoholic drink will you choose? Beer? Wine? A spirit?”

“How much will you drink? A can? A bottle? A shot?”

“Aren’t you worried you’ll go back to your old habits?”

Well to answer those three ‘in-good-conscience’ questions: “Not sure. Not sure. And No.”

“Well then smarty pants, how can you be sure you won’t go back to your old habits?”

Again—because I’m a man of my word. I’ve found once I truly decide to do something I do it. And if my YOLS has taught me anything else (so far) it’s that I get more done when I drink less.

And I like love getting things done.

I love writing more; I love starting my writing day before anyone else in the house is up; I love being able to juggle a few projects at various stages of writing development without feeling overwhelmed by any single project, and to still have mental room for more ideas which invariably make there way into my notebook or a computer digital draft.

Besides, I’ve also learnt to appreciate an unsung benefit of drinking less alcohol: less frequent trips to the toilets when dining out with my wife. What’s more my wife told me she actually “loves” not being left alone at the table as often—while I trip to the loo (my darling)—too.

So, despite my appreciation for the benefits of a clear mind and unburdened bladder I will be having at least one drink to celebrate my FADFOY (on 11/11/2012) but I won’t be going back to drinking every day.

Hopefully. Though, you never know. After all…

My name is Ben and I AM a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 267 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A Screaming Orgasm walks into a bar and the bartender cries, “Yes!”

What do you think? Is it a crazy idea to be thinking about what drink I’ll celebrate my year of sobriety’s end with? Or do you think it’s just a bit of fun? Love to get your comment.

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Aug 01 2012
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Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration, Memories of Drunkenness

4 Obstacles To Taking a Break From Booze

Before I decided to take a year long break from booze I’d flirted with the idea but never took it all the way.

Sobriety and I kissed and cuddled on the odd week off at a time, we got to second base by going sober for a month here and there together, but I never consummated my relationship with long-term sobers-ville by going the whole 12-month howd-ya-do-hog.

But then, some time between the births of my two daughters, sobriety and I took it that step further by agreeing to ‘go steady’ together for a full year, whatever happened.

Seemingly just like that I dumped my habit of regular drinking and committed to a year without any alcohol whatsoever. Not a thimbleful of punch; not a single glass of celebratory champers; not a mouthful of thirst-quenching beer on even the hottest of summer days would pass my lips—for twelve calendar months.

The sober decision had been made. A year of living sober. No sweat.

So what had stopped me stopping before that fateful day on 11/11/2011? Had I just been waiting for a really easy to remember date? Or were there other factors getting in the way of me giving serious temporary teetotalism a good rogering solid go?

In answering that question I’ve come up with my main four obstacles to taking a break from booze. It’s no surprise to me, in the end, it all comes down to fear. And as we know, the biggest fear of all is change.

So, in the spirit of conquering the biggest fear of all, here are my…

4 Obstacles To Taking a Break From Booze

1. Fear of being labelled an Alcoholic

Before starting my YOLS (Year Of Living Sober) I didn’t think I was an alcoholic but I knew I drank more than some. Since doing this blog though I’ve found out I was right to be concerned about being labelled an Alcoholic, especially by people who think anyone who drinks more than one single glass of wine in a single sitting has a dependency. You see, I don’t think that way. Just because alcohol had become a habit for me didn’t (and doesn’t), in my eyes, make me an alcoholic. Lazy? Maybe. Boring? Probably often. But from my experience with ‘real’ alcoholics—dating an Alcoholic, working for an Alcoholic, and working with many Alcoholics (before writing full-time I worked as an actor, musician and music promoter)—I think there is a difference between being an Alcoholic and being a heavy-drinker/binge-drinker/dipsomaniac.

Some will disagree. C’est la vie.

2. Fear of ridicule or isolation from my friends by making such a big change.

Growing up, and like most Australians—and many other affluent westerners around the world—booze played a big part in my socialization. Rites of passage teenage drunkenness; twenty-something romantic dinners with the requisite wine; thirty-something cocktail parties and trendy bar mixers (the kind of ‘mixer’ where you’re meant to impress each other with tales of worldly exploration and career conquest), alcohol was often, if not always, at the centre of friendships and romantic relationships alike. Before giving up alcohol for a year I was probably one of those people who felt confronted by anyone who chose to remain sober in normally boozy social situations.

Guess this fear was one of the karma kind.

But since my wife hardly drinks (and hasn’t had a drop since falling pregnant with our now six-month-old daughter) the only people I could have been worried about possibly upsetting were my handful of good friends. And that’s when I realized I didn’t really have anything to worry about, because I knew my real friends wouldn’t pressurize me to drink (something I was later proved correct about).

So, when I thought about it a bit, I understood upsetting my friends by turning down a drink wasn’t a big obstacle for me. Even if it had been in the past.

3. Fear of missing out on bonding time with my father.

Alcohol has been central to most of the bonding experiences between my father and me. From the early days of sharing beer after open age basketball games to the ritual we formed of sharing champagne before family dinners, alcohol was a common language I enjoyed ‘speaking’ with my Dad. As it turned out, around the time I began my YOLS my parents moved interstate—so it hasn’t been a problem. Then, when we did meet up for a family lunch a couple of months ago the only thing Dad expressed wasn’t disappointment I wouldn’t be joining him in a drink but pride at my long-term short-term sobriety. Still, part of me laments the lost opportunity to clink glasses with him over a bottle of red, and to pretend I know anything at all about whichever grape variety we happened to be swillin’ at the time.

4. Fear of what I’d find out about my life.

Drinking can be fun. It can also be avoidance. Alcohol is great at masking issues which, unless dealt with in sober clarity, generally don’t go away. Before my year off booze I had a suspicion I wasn’t as content with my life as I made out to myself I was. I feel like I’m the type of person who always looks for the positive spin in any situation, and mostly I think I do that quite naturally (the ‘glass half full’ is a worldview which makes sense to me) but I was also worried I’d find out I was more dissatisfied with certain aspects of my life than I let on (to myself and others).

And what I found out (and am still finding out) was, though I always knew what I wanted for my life—a happy family, a nice home, a fulfilling career and a bit of adventure—I may not have always been doing everything I could to make that life happen; I’ve been drunk many times but there are many stories and blog posts I haven’t written once.

Like the one about the guy who let four obstacles stop him taking a break from booze. Until one day he decided not to let fear stop him.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 265 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A Screaming Orgasm walks into a bar and the relieved bartender says “You took your time.”

How about you? Are there any obstacles you would have to—or had to—overcome before taking a break from booze? Love to get your comment.

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Jul 30 2012
8 Comments
Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

What is the history of the YOLS Calendar?

What is the history of the YOLS Calendar? Well, as the embarrassed bridegroom said to the relieved virginal bride, “It’s not a long one.”

But, however short its history, the YOLS calendar does the job. And that job is to provide any fellow dipsomaniacs taking to a year off booze with a little extra motivation.

Even if the self-confessed big drinkers are only going for a month of living sober (MOLS), or a week of living sober (WOLS), by giving them (me/us) a visual representation of their (my/our) accumulated soberdays, the YOLS calendar is designed to spur them (me/us/everyone) on.

Sober calendar

(N.B. Corkboard dipsomaniacs own)

“YOLS? Soberdays? What is this language of made up words? Dipsomaniac? What the hell is that?”

Well, if it’s your first time to the Year of Living Sober (YOLS) blog (and even if it’s not, dear regular reader), let me give you the run down to not only the history of the YOLS calendar but the history of Year of Living Sober too.

In point form it goes like this (N.B. ‘Man’ is me)

Brief ‘Year of Living Sober’ History

- Man decides he drinks too much alcohol too regularly and chooses to take a break for a whole year to make sure he can live happily without booze.

- When man commits to what he decides to call his ‘Year of Living Sober’ he starts a blog to keep track of anything interesting he learns (like the fact a dipsomaniac is a type of alcoholic who craves alcohol intermittently).

- At some point man designs an A4 dual-year calendar which he begins using to mark off (with a pink highlighter) each ‘soberday’ (like a Saturday but without a trip to the bottle shop/liquor store/pub/father-in-law’s Polish dessert wine cabinet).

- Man gets lots of positive feedback from big drinkers like him who DO NOT identify as capital A Alcoholics but DO think they could do with drinking a bit less booze (and maybe agree they too could possibly be a ‘Dipsomaniac’—as long as said ‘label’ doesn’t mean they are the type of person who would double-entry a corn-chip into guacamole after taking a bite).

- Man offers YOLS calendar to others (on Day 62 of YOLS) for free and is pleasantly surprised when others take him up on offer.

- Man feels less alone in his dipsomaniac journey and glad to be of some service to his fellow man and woman (actually, so far, slightly more woman than men have requested YOLS calendars).

- After a few months of distributing original design YOLS calendar man decides to update YOLS calendar with small design improvements because he understands little things can make a big difference (which is something, however, the virginal bride is still debating).

So there you have it. A brief (ish) history of the YOLS calendar. If you’d like one please email me by using the email form HERE. Alternatively leave a comment on this post and I’ll send the YOLS calendar jpeg to the connected email.

My name is Ben and I’m not only the YOLS calendar designer/historian but I’m a dipsomaniac too.

Today is Day 263 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A woman walks into a bar and tells the barman she’s desperate for a White Russian and the barman says, “Nice to meet you. My name’s Ivan Aryan.”

PS. This blog was recently voted one of the ‘Top 20 Excellent Alcohol Addiction Resources’ by a top USA health org on the same day yours truly was quoted in an article on alternative alcohol behaviour for the Sydney Morning Herald (and syndicated to all the major newspapers around Australia).

PSS. Just saying is all.

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Jul 28 2012
2 Comments
Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

A sober walk in the city

Come with me for a walk. A sober walk in the city.

Today, let’s forget about the never-ending debate about what makes someone dependent on alcohol, an alcoholic, a dipsomaniac or a teetotaller and simply enjoy what life has to offer. What’s on offer today? A walk in the city where I live, a walk in Melbourne town.

Now, in my past I’ve lived in Sydney, worked in Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide and Hobart, and visited most of the other big smokes in Australia too, but the place I call home, and have done since I was a wee teenager, is Melbourne.

Melbourne’s where I had my booze-fuelled beginnings, where I did my early drinking and continued party-hearty’n before moving overseas in my twenties (to down me a few pints in London town). Melbourne’s got a great nightlife but it’s also got a great day-life.

We love our cafés in Melbourne and though I live outside the city—about a thirty minute drive from where all the cool coffee spots are—that just means I value it all the more when I get to take a trip into town. Like I did the other day.

And this is what welcomed me at the café of choice for my impromptu lunch without the family.

water in a beer bottle

The big brown bottle is a beer bottle. It holds 750ml of whatever variety of ale you like. Mostly, when I was growing up, that bottle would have had a green sticker on it with ‘Victoria Bitter’ printed on it. Occasionally I might have purchased a brown bottle with a ‘Fosters’ blue label. If nothing else was available maybe I’d have stooped to ‘Melbourne Bitter’ (red). Not often though. I wasn’t a big fan of Melbourne Bitter.

Over the years, and as my tastes evolved, I got onto ‘Cooper’s', another Australian beer brand, but, and this is relevant here, their bottle was a different shape. You see, even without any label the beer bottle holding pure complimentary café water evoked in me a memory of drinking alcohol. Of course it would, I mean it’s a beer bottle after all but, I thought it interesting how, it also evoked in me a sense of brand; which beer I drank. And when.

Interesting.

Then my coffee came.

A long black in Melbourne

Nice. And it tasted as good as it looks. I sipped away, pulled out my notebook and started scribbling whatever I imagined was important at the time (I think I was writing jokes for a sit-com I’m working on) and waited for my lunch. Lunch wasn’t long.

Spinach and fetta pie

See? Told you. The spinach and feta (maybe ricotta?) pie was, like the coffee, as delicious as it looked too. I tried not to rush eating it but as I was due to pick up my father-in-law (who can’t drive at the moment due to his hip-replacement) I didn’t dilly dally either. Ten minutes or less later the veggie-slice delight was gone, and when my coffee was finished too, I had another glass of water, after pouring it from the beer bottle, and ventured outside. Walking along the pavement I caught eye of another beer bottle, though this one was wrapped in a brown paper bag.

Beer bottle in brown paper bag

Whoever this bottle belonged to was nowhere in sight. I don’t think it was full but it could have been. I didn’t pick it up. I just smiled wryly to myself, thinking about my year of living sober, the beer bottle as a water bottle at the café and now this: the beer bottle of shame; the beer bottle of a street drinker; the beer bottle of a thousand cities.

Walking along (at a good clip—my father-in-law was waiting after all), headed back to my car, I spotted something else which made me stop and again swipe open my camera-phone. Street art. On a wall a couple sprawled, reaching or swinging in space, for what, from what, I wasn’t sure?

Now as I reflect on my sober walk in the city—with a short interval for a spot of lunch—I remember it doesn’t matter I wasn’t sure why I was so captivated, however briefly, by this painting, but that I was captivated. Someone’s art stopped me. And that’s a beautiful thing.

Melbourne street art

After all, art is what you make of it; the same thing can mean something different to everyone. But I’m sure there’s a reason certain things catch our eyes, and mean something to us only we will ever know.

Like that beer bottle full of water.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 261 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

An astronaut hippy walks into a bar and the barman says “How’s gravity treating you?” and the astronaut says, “Heavy, man. Heavy.”

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Jul 26 2012
4 Comments
Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Year of Living Sober makes NEWS around the world.

Don't believe everything you read

Read all about it!

“Year of Living Sober makes news around the world. Dipsomaniac writer quoted in national and international media. Personal goal to go a year without one alcoholic drink causing a stir with Alcoholics and Teetotallers alike.”

Or something like that.

But yes, it’s true. Yesterday, your’s truly was quoted in an article for the Sydney Morning Herald. And afterwards, for a good few hours, ‘Cheers for the abstinence advice, but it’s not working’, the article I was quoted in, was the most read and commented on at the SMH website. By far. It seems like trying new ways to moderate our alcohol intake is a hot issue.

Cool.

The entertaining and well researched article by Gary Nunn (@GaryNunn1 on Twitter, a fellow booze lover, but one who banned himself from wine two years ago and now only drinks spirits) was also syndicated to most of the major newspapers in Australia including The Age, The Brisbane Times, WA Today and The Canberra Times. Not surprisingly, after the mention of this blog in that article things went a bit ballistic here too.

Readership of Year of Living Sober has been growing steadily anyway but with the extra coverage from SMH we received more visits yesterday than any single day previous.

Cool, cool.

I was pretty happy thinking lots more people would discover what an hilarious (and grammatically aware) writer I am and how taking a break from booze for a year isn’t as crazy as it might sound. Or is crazy. Whatever—hopefully it’s occasionally entertaining.

Then, as I watched my new visitor stats soar on the old WordPress blog counter I also discovered via my referred links list YOLS had been linked to by a USA website citing Year of Living Sober as one of ‘20 exceptional alcohol addiction resources‘.

What? Me? YOLS?

On the same day YOLS was referenced in the Ozzie papers it was also featured on a website which in turn has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times and USA Today? How about that?

Cool, cool, cool.

Year of Living Sober Top 20 Exceptional Alcohol Addiction Blogs

While I’d like to play it cool and say I could care less if the mainstream media pick up the story about my year of living sober—and that it is a personal mission I’ve decided to share with anyone who’s interested in an alternative approach to managing alcohol, and one which doesn’t seek, or need, approval from external sources—that would be disingenuous. And the one thing above all others which I try and do here at YOLS is tell it like it is.

And so I will: I was rapt with the extra coverage.

Now, I don’t only have a wonderfully loyal readership (who got on board when this boat was just sailing) I’ve also had an opportunity to share some of the 104 posts I’ve made since Day 1 of 365 sober with people around the world.

So I guess there’s really only one more thing to say about all that: thank you. Thanks to Gary Nunn and the Sydney Morning Herald for mentioning Year of Living Sober (and my Twitter handle, @YearOffBooze); thanks to kwikmed.org for including Year of Living Sober in your list, and thank YOU for reading this far.

I love writing this blog and I love that more people are discovering it every day.

Cheers!

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 259 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

An agony aunt journalist walks into a bar and asks the barman for a beer and the barman says “What? No whine for you today?”

P.S. If you’re new to Year of Living Sober you might like to start with ‘Top 40 Popular Posts So Far‘ which is, as you might expect, a list of the forty most popular posts so far.

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Jul 25 2012
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Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

‘Top 40’ Popular Posts So Far

Why does every hangover feel the same?

Drinking alcohol is popular.

Who would have guessed not drinking alcohol is popular too though? Not me. Not before I started this blog anyway.

But since I have started blogging about my year of living sober I’ve not only learned about myself by writing about my experience with temporary teetotalism, I’ve also learned there are many other people like me who are keen to take a break from drinking, if not give it up completely.

Finding some middle ground between binge drinking and total abstinence may be a tricky goal for anyone who even has to ask themselves the question of whether they drink too much—or for the ‘right’ reasons, but it is one, I’ve come to understand, I’m not alone in having; there’s a lot of us who want to continue to enjoy using alcohol but who don’t want to let it use them.

But exactly what are the most popular posts on the subject of temporary sober life?

What is the angle most readers come to explore? Is it alcohol in culture; alcohol and health, alcohol and addiction or alcohol and…dare I say it…fun? Well, as far as I can tell from the ‘Top 40’ Popular Posts So Far below, it is a combination of all of these and a few more too.

Though, the fact the most popular post is 10 Funniest Alcohol and Bar Jokes Ever! does give a hint to what people come to YOLS blog for, namely a light-hearted look at what is often a serious subject.

Having said that, since the second most popular post/page is 10 Reasons To Give Up Alcohol For 1 Year I guess you could surmise readers also want a bit of encouragement and motivation to make a healthy change.

Well hopefully YOLS offers a combination of humor and positivity while always sticking to my number one priority of simply telling it like it is; I used to drink a lot and I wanted to see what life was like for a year if I didn’t.

And I decided to write about it.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 257 of my year of living sober.

‘Top 40’ Popular Posts So Far

1. 10 Funniest Alcohol and Bar Jokes Ever!

2. 10 Reasons To Give Up Alcohol For 1 Year

3. How to Have More Powerful Erections (Without Pills!)

4. I’m not an alcoholic but…

5. How Giving Up Alcohol Makes You Vulnerable: 5 Things I’ve Learned So Far

6. Why should Alcoholics have all the fun?

7. How to celebrate without alcohol

8. Top 5 Teetotaller Responses When Offered A Drink

9.  What is a Dipsomaniac?

10. What’s the real cost of booze on your body?

Year of Living Sober-I'm Not an Alcoholic meme

11. Top 6 ‘Year of Living Sober’ Values

12. 5 Things Alcohol is Fantastic For

13. What Everyone Should Know About Temporary Teetotalism

14. 100 Days Sober and the Temporary Teetotalism Movement

15. Are you an Alcoholic or a Dipsomaniac?

16. Are you a happy, angry, lustful or know-it-all drunk?

17. Could you give up coffee for one year?

18. No booze for me, I’m on a YOLS.

19. Straight Edge Daddy in the Night Garden

20. Funny Role Models

Balancing alcohol intake

21. Programmed to Drink Alcohol

22. Is a year too much? How about a month of living sober?

23. Is today your ‘Soberday One’? Temporary Teetotaller or Alcoholic, you’re not alone.

24. Top 5 Ways to Cut Down Alcohol Consumption

25. Honestly, giving up drinking is difficult

26. Drunk Zuckerberg vs Teetotal Trump – Alcohol & Money

27. In Bed with Thailand Honeymoon Oil

28. Does this booze blog have a mission statement?

29. Do you like to make lists?

30. Do you ever feel fractious? I do.

Big drinkers can get sober too

“My skateboard’s got a wonky wheel.”

31. Alcoholics Not-So-Anonymous: Feeling the love on Twitter

32. Calendar Boy

33. Could you give up chocolate for a year?

34. Snooki Loses Booze and Loses Weight

35. DAY 24: Meditation on Alcohol

36. Day 40: Forty Days and Forty Nights…DRY!

37. What’s your next step in healing?

38. 80 Days Sober And My Pubic Hair Drinking Problem

39. Two Weeks Sober! (Two down, fifty to go)

40. What’s in your Rocket Fuel?

Year of Living Sober visual gag

“He’s behind you!”

☆

Little Booze Joke

A meat pie walks* into a bar and the barman says “What are you drinking?” and the meat pie says, “Nothing for me today. I’m off the sauce.”

*You didn’t know pies had legs in them, did you. They’re the grisly bits.

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Jun 01 2012
9 Comments
Booze Jokes, Funny, Healing, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Could you give up chocolate for a year?

If you look closely you'll see the packet is...empty. Completely.

Could you give up chocolate for a year?

My wife couldn’t.

I’m not sure I could either. Probably though. But the real reason I ask this question, other than to share one couple’s co-dependency on cocoa, is because I reckon giving up chocolate for some people, especially some ‘female’ people, would be the equivalent to the average bloke giving up his nightly boozin’.

At the risk of sounding slightly sexist, chicks love sweeties. Especially chocolate sweeties. And I think the female consumer of dopamine delivery delicacies would choose chocolate over alcohol almost every time. Whereas your average bloke (and aren’t there plenty of them around ladies!), if he had to choose ONE, would choose booze instead.

Gals love Cadburys like blokes love Fosters; birds dig Darrell Lea like boys dig Guinness; women pine for Ferrero Rocher like man mulls over whether to have a can of lager or a bottle of lager.

“Hmmm. Maybe I’ll have both.”

See for some women (and sure, plenty of men, too) chocolate is a habit. A bad habit. An ‘I-must-have-some-every-day-or-I’ll-punch-somebody-in-the-ear’ habit. While my habit under review here at Year of Living Sober is nightly drinking, for a lot a’ women folk (lucky I got over that worry about comin’ off sexist, hey?) regular boozing isn’t an issue at all. For some—my wife included—the issue is addiction to…

CHOCOLATE!!

And I see a relationship between the habit of drinking booze every day and the habit of eating chocolate every day. As I’ve said on this blog before you don’t have to be an alcoholic to find the habit of drinking difficult to break. For many people a couple of glasses of wine after work is just lovely. Others enjoy a few beers between getting home and going to sleep to prepare for another long day. But then there are others still who can do without a drink but wouldn’t think about hitting the hay without chompin’ down a couple blocks of Cadburys, nibblin’ on some Nestlé or manically munching through a mound of M and M’s.

Now I haven’t done any study to prove my claim but I’m pretty sure if you asked a hundred women which they’d prefer to give up out of chocolate and alcohol—for a year, at least 51% would say they would forgo alcohol. Like I said before, booze isn’t a problem for my wife. Without even trying she hasn’t had a drink since I started my year of living sober either. Alcohol just doesn’t do it for her anymore. But chocolate does.

Chocolate really does it for my wife. Chocolate does it for my wife like Debbie does it for Dallas.

Take what happened the other day as an example. On a break from my daily writing quota I took my toddler daughter up to the shops for a walk around (it’s winter in Melbourne and none of us—my wife and four-month-old daughter included—had been out of the house) and to pick up a few things. I got what we needed but also returned with a surprise. Along with an Apple Strudel for the next day’s morning tea guests I‘d brought home a pack of chocolate coated red liquorice bullets. They’re one of my wife’s favourites. But I was a little surprised by her reaction. The Strudel got a big thumbs up from the Mrs but the bullets received a mixed welcome.

“What did you get those for?”

You see da’ Mrs loves dem but she also hates dem. She has no control when it comes to these chocky bullets. Once opened, even a big packet won’t last beyond the good-television part of the night (somewhere between 7:30pm and 7:35pm). That’s why she said I was cruel for buying her chocolate bullets.

“It’s like me opening up a can of beer and putting it in front of you,” was how she put it. “How would you like that?”

Actually, it wouldn’t be a problem for me now. I’ve resolved to stick with the remaining 161 days of my YOLS and one measly can of beer wouldn’t be enough to tempt me off the holy-than-my-older-thou-self path. But what my gorgeous life-partner was talking about is of course…temptation.

For me the thing I used to be tempted by was alcohol; for my wife it still is chocolate.

“So why don’t you see if you can go a year without eating chocolate?” I suggested.

“And why don’t you see if you can stick both feet in your arse,” replied wife.

No she didn’t. But we did laugh together about the impossibility of her giving up chocolate for a year. And even if she could do it I’m not sure I’d want her to. Then I wouldn’t be able to nick a row of Snack, Fruit n’ Nut or whatever else has her fancy that particular night. I mean giving up alcohol for a year is alright but I don’t think I could live without chocolate for 12 months as well.

I’m only a man.

:)

My name is Ben and I am a social experiment.

Today is Day 204 of my Year of Living Sober.

Little Booze Joke

A block of chocolate walks into a bar, looks around and then turns, disappointed, to the bartender and says, “What? No nuts?”

HOW ABOUT YOU? WOULD YOU PREFER TO GIVE UP ALCOHOL OR CHOCOLATE FOR A YEAR? DO YOU THINK THERE IS A GENDER BIAS TOWARDS LINDT? DO SHARE.

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Jan 18 2012
2 Comments
Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Funny

How is a white Russian like a bucket of hot chips?

A White Russian has the same calories as a bucket of chips

Yesterday was Day 68 of my Year Of Living Sober. It was a Tuesday.

Out and about in town doing some errands, and finding myself a bit peckish, I contemplated heading to a burger joint to pick up some hot chips. But, since being on my YOLS, and having found myself turning more frequently than ever before to sugary soft-drinks (instead of my usual beer and wine sugar-hitters), I decided not to. I didn’t want anymore empty calories.

And then, when I was reading the daily newspaper, I was really glad I hadn’t chipped it. I was also glad to be reminded about another benefit of giving up drinking for a year: it helps you lose weight.

In the paper there was an article about how binge boozing can be as bad as binge eating for our waist lines.  A helpful table showed how various drinks compared—calorie wise—to junk food. It turns out drinking a white russian is equivalent to eating a bucket of hot chips.

Well, and as Homer Simpson might say, “Doh!”, or as I might say, “Derr”.

Surely we all know by now how whether you choose beer, wine, cider or spirit, booze can have the same impact as eating a wheelbarrow full of donuts. When it comes to weight loss alcohol is the devil. If not the devil exactly, then certainly his right hand man. And, not only are most alcoholic beverages full of the dreaded ‘empty’ calories (those that offer no nutritional benefit) alcohol also slows down our ability to metabolize fats, like the fat that make chips taste so good.

But I didn’t give up drinking to lose weight (though I wouldn’t turn away the fat fairy if she dropped by to take a few more pounds of flesh from around my spare tyre). My reason for giving up alcohol for a year was simple: I wanted to break the habit. So what am I worried about with the chips?

And maybe I shouldn’t beat myself up too much if I feel like the odd bucket. At least I aint’ had a white Russian in years. And I haven’t had a drink for 68 days.

My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.

☆

Little Booze Joke 68:

A parasite walks into a bar and the barman says ‘Sorry, we don’t serve parasites here,” and the parasite says ‘You’re not a very good host’.

How about you? When you drink less alcohol do you drink more sometin’ else? Or can you happily replace your beer, wine or spirit with water?

Please leave a comment.

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Jan 17 2012
3 Comments
Booze Jokes, Funny

Bananas or Beer?

Bananas: drink one today.

Yesterday was Day 67 of my Year Of Living Sober. It was a Monday.

In the afternoon my wife and I visited the local shopping centre to pick up a few things from the grocery store including: red-wine vinegar, chill and lime mayonnaise, and some alcohol substitutes: ginger beer, lemonade, and passion-fruit flavoured soft drink. And, whilst returning to the car I noticed this picture (above) advertising banana’s as a replacement for sports drinks.

And it got me thinking.

Since bananas, when left to ripen long enough, produce alcohol, maybe the Australian Banana people could try another angle for their advertising? Instead of just taking on the sports drink companies why not tackle the alcohol industry too? Why not replace a stubby of beer with a banana?

I can see the artwork now—and the copy:

Underneath a sunny picture of a ‘real man’ type holding a bunch of half-a-dozen bananas (complete with condensation dripping sexily—everything is sexy in advertising land—off the firm fruit) would be the slogan:

“Pick up a six-pack today.”

Dan Murphy’s (Australia’s biggest chain of warehouse sized alcohol stores) could have banana’s chilling in the glass-fronted fridges, next to the Fosters and Heineken. Perhaps, for the more sophisticated booze drinkers of the world, some more bananas could be offered at room temperature, alongside the Merlot’s, and Cabernet Sauvignon’s.

Maybe the government could use a similar campaign to tackle binge drinking?

I mean, how many banana’s can one teenager eat?

I don’t know. For all I know, to prove their recklessness and wild abandon to each other, kid’s today could be having fruit-eating contests instead of speed-drinking contests.

They could be, but I doubt it.

My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.

☆

Little Booze Joke 67:

A banana and an apple walk into a bar and the barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve fruits in here,” and the banana turns to the apple with a huff, delicately fixes the apples mussed up hair, then turns back to the barman and replies sarcastically, “How did you know we’re gay?”

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