Tagged with Fosters

A sober walk in the city

Come with me for a walk. A sober walk in the city.

Today, let’s forget about the never-ending debate about what makes someone dependent on alcohol, an alcoholic, a dipsomaniac or a teetotaller and simply enjoy what life has to offer. What’s on offer today? A walk in the city where I live, a walk in Melbourne town.

Now, in my past I’ve lived in Sydney, worked in Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide and Hobart, and visited most of the other big smokes in Australia too, but the place I call home, and have done since I was a wee teenager, is Melbourne.

Melbourne’s where I had my booze-fuelled beginnings, where I did my early drinking and continued party-hearty’n before moving overseas in my twenties (to down me a few pints in London town). Melbourne’s got a great nightlife but it’s also got a great day-life.

We love our cafés in Melbourne and though I live outside the city—about a thirty minute drive from where all the cool coffee spots are—that just means I value it all the more when I get to take a trip into town. Like I did the other day.

And this is what welcomed me at the café of choice for my impromptu lunch without the family.

water in a beer bottle

The big brown bottle is a beer bottle. It holds 750ml of whatever variety of ale you like. Mostly, when I was growing up, that bottle would have had a green sticker on it with ‘Victoria Bitter’ printed on it. Occasionally I might have purchased a brown bottle with a ‘Fosters’ blue label. If nothing else was available maybe I’d have stooped to ‘Melbourne Bitter’ (red). Not often though. I wasn’t a big fan of Melbourne Bitter.

Over the years, and as my tastes evolved, I got onto ‘Cooper’s', another Australian beer brand, but, and this is relevant here, their bottle was a different shape. You see, even without any label the beer bottle holding pure complimentary café water evoked in me a memory of drinking alcohol. Of course it would, I mean it’s a beer bottle after all but, I thought it interesting how, it also evoked in me a sense of brand; which beer I drank. And when.

Interesting.

Then my coffee came.

A long black in Melbourne

Nice. And it tasted as good as it looks. I sipped away, pulled out my notebook and started scribbling whatever I imagined was important at the time (I think I was writing jokes for a sit-com I’m working on) and waited for my lunch. Lunch wasn’t long.

Spinach and fetta pie

See? Told you. The spinach and feta (maybe ricotta?) pie was, like the coffee, as delicious as it looked too. I tried not to rush eating it but as I was due to pick up my father-in-law (who can’t drive at the moment due to his hip-replacement) I didn’t dilly dally either. Ten minutes or less later the veggie-slice delight was gone, and when my coffee was finished too, I had another glass of water, after pouring it from the beer bottle, and ventured outside. Walking along the pavement I caught eye of another beer bottle, though this one was wrapped in a brown paper bag.

Beer bottle in brown paper bag

Whoever this bottle belonged to was nowhere in sight. I don’t think it was full but it could have been. I didn’t pick it up. I just smiled wryly to myself, thinking about my year of living sober, the beer bottle as a water bottle at the café and now this: the beer bottle of shame; the beer bottle of a street drinker; the beer bottle of a thousand cities.

Walking along (at a good clip—my father-in-law was waiting after all), headed back to my car, I spotted something else which made me stop and again swipe open my camera-phone. Street art. On a wall a couple sprawled, reaching or swinging in space, for what, from what, I wasn’t sure?

Now as I reflect on my sober walk in the city—with a short interval for a spot of lunch—I remember it doesn’t matter I wasn’t sure why I was so captivated, however briefly, by this painting, but that I was captivated. Someone’s art stopped me. And that’s a beautiful thing.

Melbourne street art

After all, art is what you make of it; the same thing can mean something different to everyone. But I’m sure there’s a reason certain things catch our eyes, and mean something to us only we will ever know.

Like that beer bottle full of water.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 261 of my year of living sober.

Little Booze Joke

An astronaut hippy walks into a bar and the barman says “How’s gravity treating you?” and the astronaut says, “Heavy, man. Heavy.”

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Could you give up chocolate for a year?

If you look closely you'll see the packet is...empty. Completely.

Could you give up chocolate for a year?

My wife couldn’t.

I’m not sure I could either. Probably though. But the real reason I ask this question, other than to share one couple’s co-dependency on cocoa, is because I reckon giving up chocolate for some people, especially some ‘female’ people, would be the equivalent to the average bloke giving up his nightly boozin’.

At the risk of sounding slightly sexist, chicks love sweeties. Especially chocolate sweeties. And I think the female consumer of dopamine delivery delicacies would choose chocolate over alcohol almost every time. Whereas your average bloke (and aren’t there plenty of them around ladies!), if he had to choose ONE, would choose booze instead.

Gals love Cadburys like blokes love Fosters; birds dig Darrell Lea like boys dig Guinness; women pine for Ferrero Rocher like man mulls over whether to have a can of lager or a bottle of lager.

“Hmmm. Maybe I’ll have both.”

See for some women (and sure, plenty of men, too) chocolate is a habit. A bad habit. An ‘I-must-have-some-every-day-or-I’ll-punch-somebody-in-the-ear’ habit. While my habit under review here at Year of Living Sober is nightly drinking, for a lot a’ women folk (lucky I got over that worry about comin’ off sexist, hey?) regular boozing isn’t an issue at all. For some—my wife included—the issue is addiction to…

CHOCOLATE!!

And I see a relationship between the habit of drinking booze every day and the habit of eating chocolate every day. As I’ve said on this blog before you don’t have to be an alcoholic to find the habit of drinking difficult to break. For many people a couple of glasses of wine after work is just lovely. Others enjoy a few beers between getting home and going to sleep to prepare for another long day. But then there are others still who can do without a drink but wouldn’t think about hitting the hay without chompin’ down a couple blocks of Cadburys, nibblin’ on some Nestlé or manically munching through a mound of M and M’s.

Now I haven’t done any study to prove my claim but I’m pretty sure if you asked a hundred women which they’d prefer to give up out of chocolate and alcohol—for a year, at least 51% would say they would forgo alcohol. Like I said before, booze isn’t a problem for my wife. Without even trying she hasn’t had a drink since I started my year of living sober either. Alcohol just doesn’t do it for her anymore. But chocolate does.

Chocolate really does it for my wife. Chocolate does it for my wife like Debbie does it for Dallas.

Take what happened the other day as an example. On a break from my daily writing quota I took my toddler daughter up to the shops for a walk around (it’s winter in Melbourne and none of us—my wife and four-month-old daughter included—had been out of the house) and to pick up a few things. I got what we needed but also returned with a surprise. Along with an Apple Strudel for the next day’s morning tea guests I‘d brought home a pack of chocolate coated red liquorice bullets. They’re one of my wife’s favourites. But I was a little surprised by her reaction. The Strudel got a big thumbs up from the Mrs but the bullets received a mixed welcome.

“What did you get those for?”

You see da’ Mrs loves dem but she also hates dem. She has no control when it comes to these chocky bullets. Once opened, even a big packet won’t last beyond the good-television part of the night (somewhere between 7:30pm and 7:35pm). That’s why she said I was cruel for buying her chocolate bullets.

“It’s like me opening up a can of beer and putting it in front of you,” was how she put it. “How would you like that?”

Actually, it wouldn’t be a problem for me now. I’ve resolved to stick with the remaining 161 days of my YOLS and one measly can of beer wouldn’t be enough to tempt me off the holy-than-my-older-thou-self path. But what my gorgeous life-partner was talking about is of course…temptation.

For me the thing I used to be tempted by was alcohol; for my wife it still is chocolate.

“So why don’t you see if you can go a year without eating chocolate?” I suggested.

“And why don’t you see if you can stick both feet in your arse,” replied wife.

No she didn’t. But we did laugh together about the impossibility of her giving up chocolate for a year. And even if she could do it I’m not sure I’d want her to. Then I wouldn’t be able to nick a row of Snack, Fruit n’ Nut or whatever else has her fancy that particular night. I mean giving up alcohol for a year is alright but I don’t think I could live without chocolate for 12 months as well.

I’m only a man.

:)

My name is Ben and I am a social experiment.

Today is Day 204 of my Year of Living Sober.

Little Booze Joke

A block of chocolate walks into a bar, looks around and then turns, disappointed, to the bartender and says, “What? No nuts?”

HOW ABOUT YOU? WOULD YOU PREFER TO GIVE UP ALCOHOL OR CHOCOLATE FOR A YEAR? DO YOU THINK THERE IS A GENDER BIAS TOWARDS LINDT? DO SHARE.

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Bananas or Beer?

Bananas: drink one today.

Yesterday was Day 67 of my Year Of Living Sober. It was a Monday.

In the afternoon my wife and I visited the local shopping centre to pick up a few things from the grocery store including: red-wine vinegar, chill and lime mayonnaise, and some alcohol substitutes: ginger beer, lemonade, and passion-fruit flavoured soft drink. And, whilst returning to the car I noticed this picture (above) advertising banana’s as a replacement for sports drinks.

And it got me thinking.

Since bananas, when left to ripen long enough, produce alcohol, maybe the Australian Banana people could try another angle for their advertising? Instead of just taking on the sports drink companies why not tackle the alcohol industry too? Why not replace a stubby of beer with a banana?

I can see the artwork now—and the copy:

Underneath a sunny picture of a ‘real man’ type holding a bunch of half-a-dozen bananas (complete with condensation dripping sexily—everything is sexy in advertising land—off the firm fruit) would be the slogan:

“Pick up a six-pack today.”

Dan Murphy’s (Australia’s biggest chain of warehouse sized alcohol stores) could have banana’s chilling in the glass-fronted fridges, next to the Fosters and Heineken. Perhaps, for the more sophisticated booze drinkers of the world, some more bananas could be offered at room temperature, alongside the Merlot’s, and Cabernet Sauvignon’s.

Maybe the government could use a similar campaign to tackle binge drinking?

I mean, how many banana’s can one teenager eat?

I don’t know. For all I know, to prove their recklessness and wild abandon to each other, kid’s today could be having fruit-eating contests instead of speed-drinking contests.

They could be, but I doubt it.

My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.

Little Booze Joke 67:

A banana and an apple walk into a bar and the barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve fruits in here,” and the banana turns to the apple with a huff, delicately fixes the apples mussed up hair, then turns back to the barman and replies sarcastically, “How did you know we’re gay?”

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