Could you give up chocolate for a year?
My wife couldn’t.
I’m not sure I could either. Probably though. But the real reason I ask this question, other than to share one couple’s co-dependency on cocoa, is because I reckon giving up chocolate for some people, especially some ‘female’ people, would be the equivalent to the average bloke giving up his nightly boozin’.
At the risk of sounding slightly sexist, chicks love sweeties. Especially chocolate sweeties. And I think the female consumer of dopamine delivery delicacies would choose chocolate over alcohol almost every time. Whereas your average bloke (and aren’t there plenty of them around ladies!), if he had to choose ONE, would choose booze instead.
Gals love Cadburys like blokes love Fosters; birds dig Darrell Lea like boys dig Guinness; women pine for Ferrero Rocher like man mulls over whether to have a can of lager or a bottle of lager.
“Hmmm. Maybe I’ll have both.”
See for some women (and sure, plenty of men, too) chocolate is a habit. A bad habit. An ‘I-must-have-some-every-day-or-I’ll-punch-somebody-in-the-ear’ habit. While my habit under review here at Year of Living Sober is nightly drinking, for a lot a’ women folk (lucky I got over that worry about comin’ off sexist, hey?) regular boozing isn’t an issue at all. For some—my wife included—the issue is addiction to…
And I see a relationship between the habit of drinking booze every day and the habit of eating chocolate every day. As I’ve said on this blog before you don’t have to be an alcoholic to find the habit of drinking difficult to break. For many people a couple of glasses of wine after work is just lovely. Others enjoy a few beers between getting home and going to sleep to prepare for another long day. But then there are others still who can do without a drink but wouldn’t think about hitting the hay without chompin’ down a couple blocks of Cadburys, nibblin’ on some Nestlé or manically munching through a mound of M and M’s.
Now I haven’t done any study to prove my claim but I’m pretty sure if you asked a hundred women which they’d prefer to give up out of chocolate and alcohol—for a year, at least 51% would say they would forgo alcohol. Like I said before, booze isn’t a problem for my wife. Without even trying she hasn’t had a drink since I started my year of living sober either. Alcohol just doesn’t do it for her anymore. But chocolate does.
Chocolate really does it for my wife. Chocolate does it for my wife like Debbie does it for Dallas.
Take what happened the other day as an example. On a break from my daily writing quota I took my toddler daughter up to the shops for a walk around (it’s winter in Melbourne and none of us—my wife and four-month-old daughter included—had been out of the house) and to pick up a few things. I got what we needed but also returned with a surprise. Along with an Apple Strudel for the next day’s morning tea guests I‘d brought home a pack of chocolate coated red liquorice bullets. They’re one of my wife’s favourites. But I was a little surprised by her reaction. The Strudel got a big thumbs up from the Mrs but the bullets received a mixed welcome.
“What did you get those for?”
You see da’ Mrs loves dem but she also hates dem. She has no control when it comes to these chocky bullets. Once opened, even a big packet won’t last beyond the good-television part of the night (somewhere between 7:30pm and 7:35pm). That’s why she said I was cruel for buying her chocolate bullets.
“It’s like me opening up a can of beer and putting it in front of you,” was how she put it. “How would you like that?”
Actually, it wouldn’t be a problem for me now. I’ve resolved to stick with the remaining 161 days of my YOLS and one measly can of beer wouldn’t be enough to tempt me off the holy-than-my-older-thou-self path. But what my gorgeous life-partner was talking about is of course…temptation.
For me the thing I used to be tempted by was alcohol; for my wife it still is chocolate.
“So why don’t you see if you can go a year without eating chocolate?” I suggested.
“And why don’t you see if you can stick both feet in your arse,” replied wife.
No she didn’t. But we did laugh together about the impossibility of her giving up chocolate for a year. And even if she could do it I’m not sure I’d want her to. Then I wouldn’t be able to nick a row of Snack, Fruit n’ Nut or whatever else has her fancy that particular night. I mean giving up alcohol for a year is alright but I don’t think I could live without chocolate for 12 months as well.
I’m only a man.
Today is Day 204 of my Year of Living Sober.
Little Booze Joke
A block of chocolate walks into a bar, looks around and then turns, disappointed, to the bartender and says, “What? No nuts?”
HOW ABOUT YOU? WOULD YOU PREFER TO GIVE UP ALCOHOL OR CHOCOLATE FOR A YEAR? DO YOU THINK THERE IS A GENDER BIAS TOWARDS LINDT? DO SHARE.