Year Of Living Sober

Yesterday was Day 58 of my Year Of Living Sober. It was a Saturday.

Menthol, peppermint, camphor, cinnamon and clove oil.

Prior to getting into bed last night, and as I often do lately, I got oiled up.

Now, before you start imagining my glistening, naked self (slipping on my bare arse doing a Tom-Cruise-in-Risky-Business-slide down the tiled hall—too late, isn’t it?), I must tell you my self-greasing was completely innocent.

There was no Barry White or funky-good-time soul-disco playing in the background either. No, the only thing a twitchin’ for some good lovin’ rubbin’ was my nose.

Let me explain.

While on honeymoon in Thailand a few years ago my wife bought some ‘Siang Pure Oil’ which, as it says on the packet, can be used for anything from relieving dizziness to alleviating the sting of tropical insect bites. I’m not sure but I think Pauli had discovered this stuff before we ventured deep into the bowels of Bangkok’s shopping district, perhaps when she was studying Shiatsu.

Anywho, the upshot is when I got a headache in old Siam, from either drinking too many  Changs (Thai beer) or at being confounded by an eye-popping performance in Patpong (and unable to figure out where all the Ping- Pong balls came from—those girls are flexible too) Pauli recommended I try putting a few dabs of the magic red liquid on my temples and behind my ears.

So, I dabbed away and was pleasantly surprised by the effect (as opposed to alarmingly surprised by the Ping-Pong girls) when moments later I relaxed and the pain subsided.

Though not completely.

I still needed to take a couple of painkilling pills but since then, and after we’d returned to our lives in Melbourne, I found myself reaching for the oil before reaching for the Panadol. And now, since I gave up drinking for a year, old Siang Pure has become my best buddy ever.

Especially at night.

“Why? How?”

I’m glad you telepathically asked.

By putting a little dab under my nose I find it helps me focus on breathing deeply and, therefore, relaxing. Since I don’t have the dulling buzz of alcohol cruising my veins and sending my organs to sleep I’ve found my ‘Thailand Honeymoon Oil’ is a great replacement.

Seems the cure all oil is good for more than mozzie bites and and queezy stomachs after all. It also helps put reformed (even if just for one year) drinkers to sleep.

But tonight I might try something different.

Now, where’s my Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite CD and that frangipani fragranted sexy times oil?

Mmmmm.

My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.

☆

Little Booze Joke 58:

Dolly Parton walks into a bar—which…gets…stuck.

P.S. This is the perfect post to put a link to a video I took of a beautiful Thai woman carving a flower out of a bar of soap. Look out for a brief glimpse of my wife, Pauli in the background! Enjoy…

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