Year Of Living Sober

Does my dick look big in this?

Would you like a more powerful erection? A penis with purpose? One one-eye not so timid, or self-effacing—a dick who know’s it’s a dick? A mover and shaker as opposed to a lifeless and limper? Do you dream of having a well connected cock, a knob in the know?

No, this aint junk mail. I simply couldn’t resist using that headline for today’s post. And once I got going. Well…

‘Powerful Erection’ is not an autocorrect mistake either; nor is it a politically incorrect joke about a Chinese political reporter.

I’m talking POWERFUL and I’m talking ERECTION and I chose those words carefully:

Powerful. Erection. Powerful Erection. Have More.

What man would say no to that? What woman for that matter? In this crazy up-and-down, topsy-turvy and in-and-out world the juice that initially gets things going for all of us comes from one thingey: a knob. So who would choose a flacid, pimple-sized phallange if a tough tower of rigidity was on offer?

Not me.

But having a powerful penis and being a big drinker—like I used to be—are not as compatible as Charlie Sheen might have us believe. In fact drinking too much can lead to…too little. There’s no doubt heaps of other medical evidence out there but I found at least one WEBSITE reporting of the possibility of increasing shrinkage of the old fella due to too chugging too much booze.

The evidence seems to support the notion that over supply of alcohol leads to undersupply of testosterone which, over time, can lead to downsizing of the down and dirty dipping stick.

The drunk dangler will deteriorate detectably.

What’s more, there is proof that boozin’ too much makes it hard to…well, get hard:

“There is also the disadvantage of not being able to feel pleasure. It makes it extremely difficult to achieve orgasm. But also alcohol inhibits the ability to even achieve and sustain erection. Alcohol causes the blood vessels to dilate, which prevents the blood that flows into the penis to make it hard from staying in the penis. The blood drains back into the rest of the body, and the penis becomes flaccid.”

Flaccid. The opposite of what the human race requires to perpetuate; the antithesis of arousal, the enemy of erotica.

"Like EVERY time after a work orgy."

So, in another 275 days when I return to drinking I will try and remember that I have a choice. I can either drink moderately and have a powerful knob or get drunk and be one.

When I put it like that it doesn’t seem like a hard choice. But since embarking on my YOLS it IS hard. Very hard.

My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.

(Today is Day 90 of my Year of Living Sober. But the day aint over yet.)

☆

Little Booze Joke

A sexy Iranian woman walks into a bar, orders a vodka and tells the bartender to hold the small talk unless he’s got a pun she’s never heard before. “By the way,” she adds, “what’s your name?” The barman smiles, hands her the vodka and says, “Ivan Adooyah.”

HOW ABOUT YOU? HAS BOOZE EVER CAME BETWEEN YOU AND A SEXY TIME? DO TELL…