Filed under Effects of Abstinence …

Dec 31 2012
8 Comments
Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Funny, Humor, Inspiration, Productivity

Living Life Large

YOLS-comedy-night-beer

Howdy strangers!

My apologies if you’ve been wondering what the hell happened to Dipsomaniac Ben but since finishing my year of living sober I’ve been living life large. My silly season drinking didn’t get out of hand or anything but I have been enjoying drinking alcohol again. Very much! In fact my wife reckons I might be in a ‘Honeymoon’ period of enjoying booze during the holidays, especially since it’s summer down under at the mo’. And yes, beer sure tastes good when it’s hot outside!

But something else besides my re-acquaintance with alcohol has happened to me post-YOLS. I’ve been overcome by total focus on my new project, something I’ve named my ‘Year of Comedy’!

If Year of Living Sober taught me anything—apart from simply the comforting knowledge I could go a whole year without a single alcoholic drink—it was that good things come when you focus. Making a simple decision (to abstain from booze for a year) and sticking to it helped me become a better blogger (and perhaps writer in general) and it helped me appreciate something about myself I maybe hadn’t valued enough before: when I set my mind on something I get it done.

Now my mind is set on doing something I have always dreamt of but never had the nerve to try. No, not a triple-loop roller-coaster (done that) but something else with twists, tight turns, dips, dives and climbs towards the giddy heights: stand-up comedy.

Though I have acted on-and-off since I was a teenager, and though I have performed on many stages around the world as a singer-songwriter I have never done the one thing that scares me (or used to) most. To stand on a stage and make people laugh. It sounds simple but since most people are less afraid of death than public speaking, maybe I’m not alone in having felt trepidation at the thought of going mono-a-mono with a comedy club crowd.

But now I am ready. And maybe my year of living sober helped get me there.

Since celebrating my YOLS completion with a beer (or two) and putting together The Little Booze Joke Book (featuring the best Little Booze Jokes from this blog) then doing a radio interview with a Canadian Radio Station (DNTO on CBC radio) I’ve been flat out writing material for my comedy debut. I’ve been standing in my study delivering gag after gag to my nonplussed pussy (not a Benny Hill joke about my wife but rather a reference to our cat) and I’ve booked myself in for an open-mic slot at a Melbourne comedy club.

The future looks bright. Fun, exciting, challenging and bright. I am literally counting down the days to my first stand-up gig ever.

But that is my future, what of my past? Has my drinking habit returned the same as it was before my YOLS or am I drinking less now than before or more?

Truth is it’s not an easy answer.

Since returning to drinking I have had nights when I’ve drunk more than the two stubbies of beer and a bottle of wine I was drinking regularly pre-YOLS and nights when I have drunk less. A few times I’ve left bottles of wine unfinished (though they don’t last more than two days!) and a few times I’ve gone to bed worried there has been no change in my fondness for getting a bit more sloshed than might be good for me.

But here’s the big thing that’s changed: I’m okay with all of it. I feel good that I accomplished my goal of going a year without a drink and though I might have returned pretty much to my pre-YOLS drinking patterns that’s as it is. I am what I am.

As I have said many times in the last year “I am a dipsomaniac”.

But I’m also a lot more. I’m a husband and father; I’m a writer, a musician, an actor and soon to be stand-up comedian. For a year I was a non-drinking dipsomaniac and now I am a drinking one again.

Cool.

Would part of me have liked to come back here and blogged about how I have lost my taste for liquor and have no need to get a bit tipsy anymore? Sure. But that part is just a bit of a show off, I reckon. That part chooses to forget that my main goal for Year of Living Sober was to see if I could do it. And I did. It’s done.

Despite having many ideas for more posts about the life/booze balance, I have decided to put all my focus on my comedy. This YOLS blog has been my most successful since I started blogging a few years ago and I am going to take what I learned and apply it to my Year of Comedy blog at www.bgmitchell.com.

Do drop by. I’d love to share that journey with you too!

Cheers,

Ben

PS. For a limited time I’m making The Little Booze Joke Book available from Amazon for FREE. You can download your copy from January 1st 2013 until the 5th (inclusive). Hope you get a laugh or two and maybe find some jokes you missed reading on the blog.

☆

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Nov 08 2012
10 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Healing, Health, Humor, Inspiration, Productivity

12 Months of Sober Living: A Big Drinker’s Year Off Booze

12 Months of Sober Living

With 3 days to go on my year of living sober I thought it would be a good time to recap my 12 months of sober living.

Today’s post is a quick-ish look back over my shoulder at some of the sober highlights of my YOLS as well as some of the stuff I normally would have done with a drink in my hand and a couple already in my belly.

And maybe with another one in my sights!

But, and as you’ll know from reading any of the previous 137 posts on how I’ve experienced and coped with a year off booze, I made a commitment to myself to do everything I’d normally do in a life which had for over twenty years included alcohol almost every week (and immediately pre-YOLS, every night) without a drop of booze.

And, I am happy to say I have—so far—kept that commitment.

Not a drop of alcohol in 363 days.

So now, let’s get into…

12 Months of Sober Living: A Big Drinker’s Year Off Booze

Month 1

After an excruciating and blinding (literally) migraine following a boozy family wedding I made the vow to myself not to drink any alcohol for a year. My wife was surprised but supportive. As she was seven months pregnant and not drinking herself I thought it would be a good time to do something good for my health and maybe my family too.

- K.D. Lang concert. YOLS bonus: enjoyed awesome show from one of my favourite singers and didn’t have to line up at the public toilets to relieve myself of any beer, wine or spirits purchased at the bar.

- Flew to Sydney to promote my first novel (The Last Great Day) on national morning television show, Sunrise. Would have normally been tempted by hotel bar-fridge but spent down-time writing instead (did first NANO, during which I completed a draft of a yet unpublished novel in one month). YOLS bonus: more productive.

Month 2

- Public reading in support of foreward I wrote for creative writing compilation book. Free booze but none for me. YOLS bonus: drove home happy to be pulled over and breath-tested for driving under the influence. Wasn’t.
- Christmas. Didn’t drink but still probably ate more than I needed to. YOLS bonus: would probably have pigged out worse if I’d been drinking too.

Month 3

- Daughter born! My wife Pauli, and my then not yet two-year-old daughter, Honey, welcomed our second child, Cherry, into our family. YOLS bonus: being stone cold sober may have given more confidence to my wife I was ready to drive her to hospital should our plan for a home-birth not play out. It didn’t. I drove us to the hospital. (N.B. The emergency C-section went perfectly fine and everyone is healthy and happy).

Month 4

- Exercise. My calendar for this month is FULL of exercise entries. Running, biking, push-uppering. YOLS bonus: on 29th of that month I did 25 push ups. Room for improvement but it was a start.

Month 5

- Quit TVC acting. Twenty-something years ago I was a kid with a dream of becoming a movie star. Somewhere along the way the acting part of my creative output ended up being auditioning for one television commercial after the other. Not only have the rates of pay not gone up for actors appearing in television commercials (not even in line with inflation) but I had become increasingly bored with the way many directors treat actors like cattle. And I had become resentful of being made to wait for an hour to humiliate myself miming eating junk food for a director who’s only direction often is something like ‘I’m not sure what I want from you but do something different this time.’ YOLS bonus: solution to my angst was clear, simply tell the agencies not to call you for commercials anymore.

Month 6

- New novel. Besides blogging about my YOLS and extending our family (!) much of this year has been about me finishing and publishing my second novel, Zippin Pippin. YOLS bonus: no hangovers=more writing. More clarity too.

Month 7

- Emerging Writers’ Festival ‘Structure’ seminar. As an official blogger for Melbourne’s Emerging Writers’ Festival I was also very happy when they asked me to present one of the seminars for emerging writers. YOLS bonus: spent night before seminar preparing notes instead of polishing off a bottle of wine, no doubt reaping rewards of the smooth presentation the following day.

Month 8

- Birthday. Generally on my birthday I’ll have a few drinks. At least some champagne. But this year, nothing. YOLS bonus: focussed on family fun instead of sloshing self. Go big daddy, go!

Month 9

- Final edits, formatting and packaging for Zippin Pippin: there’s a lot to be done as an independent author! YOLS bonus: even get some work done AFTER dinner.

Month 10

- Zippin Pippin published and promoted, cast to act in indie film with mate (Chocolate, Strawberry, Vanilla coming to a screen near you in 2013!), and Honey turns two. YOLS bonus: fit quite a bit into Month 10.

Month 11

- Continued healing. Over the year I’d been having a treatment about once a month of kinesiology/reiki. I really feel these sessions, combined with my year off booze, have helped liberate more energy and focus my attention on a new, positive future of me manifesting all I want with life by bringing more awareness to everything I think, say and do. YOLS bonus: saving money on booze meant I could happily spend it on investing in my health.

Month 12

- Goal in sight. Perhaps the most significant thing to happen in the final month of my year of living sober is that I will complete it. With three days to go I’m quietly confident I won’t lose my resolve now. YOLS bonus: knowledge I can accomplish something I never have before.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 364 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A penguin walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Have you seen my brother?’ The barman says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

How about you? Have you accomplished some positive stuff in the past year? Love to get your comment.

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Nov 06 2012
2 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Healing, Health, Humor, Inspiration

What to Expect When Giving Up Alcohol: Answers for 10 Sober Living Questions

When he gave up drinking it made her so happy

Before I began my year off booze I didn’t really know what to expect when giving up alcohol. Now I’m almost at the end of my temporary teetotal journey I’ve learned a few things about what happens when a big drinker swaps a bottle of wine a night for a soda water, ginger beer, non-alcoholic beer and a couple cups of tea.

He still has to ‘pass water’ but his aim is that much better.

And don’t being a straight shooter make the wife that little happier when she follows her hubby into the loo too.

So apart from laser-wee-eye what else can you expect when giving up alcohol? Well, as this blog is part journal, part community service—if it’s at all possible I’d love it if my self-inflicted year long alcohol abstinence could have SOME positive effect on others who might be considering trying a week (WOLS), month (MOLS) or even the full year of living sober (YOLS) themselves—I thought what better way to serve the community of readers who’ve sort out the YOLS blog than by answering the very questions that drive many interneters here.

That’s why today I decided to answer some of the questions which have google-search led web surfers to the YOLS blog, questions that have popped up in my search engine terms.

So, here goes. I hope you enjoy…

10 Questions for Sober Living

1. How does it feel after eight days of alcohol free?
To be honest, I can’t quite remember. A lot different that after eight days of free alcohol. Luckily I wrote this post on the eight day of my year of living sober to remind me what my first week or so was like.

2. Can real men go sober?
It depends who you think a ‘real man’ is. Bruce Lee? Bruce Willis? Samuel L. Jackson? Eddie Murphy? Australian football legend and octogenarian fitness guru, Tom Hafey? All these dudes don’t drink. I reckon the answer is ‘bloody oath’, real men can go sober.

4. What is the great thing about giving up booze?
Not having to go to the toilet as often. Maybe it’s just ‘cause I used to drink quite a bit of beer. Still, I reckon less piss-stops is THE great thing about giving up booze. Maybe not the GREATEST thing, but pretty high up the list.

5. What to expect when giving up alcohol?
Everyone is an individual (except me) so who knows exactly what YOU can expect but it might include withdrawal symptoms like headaches (I had a few in the early days of YOLS), general restlessness and cravings for a drink.

You can also expect friends, family and even casual acquaintances to have an opinion on your ‘giving up alcohol’. Some will be supportive, many will not: not everyone likes to be reminded (aren’t we all mirrors of each other?) of the fact they too could probably go a little easier on the sauce.

6. What are ten reasons to give up drinking?
Covered that back on this post for Day 32 sober (also on the PAGE above).

7. How to give up alcohol for a month?
Just say no. Even to your self. If you need help you can join up with one of the many temporary teetotaller organisations/community groups which have evolved over the last few years to include:
Feb – FebFast
July – Dry July
October – Ocsober
All year – Hello Sunday Morning
At any of these websites you can connect with and find strength from other like-minded folk who want to take a MOLS (Month of Living Sober, remember) AND raise money for good causes.

8. What are some affirmations to cut back on drinking?
“I enjoy being sober.”
“I love myself exactly as I am.”
“I accept myself whether I drink alcohol or not.”
“I release the need for alcohol, hangovers, and spending twenty-five dollars a pop on cocktails.”

Also check ‘What’s Your Next Step In Healing’.

9. I’ve given up alcohol, why can’t I stop farting.*
The beans! Stop eating the beans!
* Seriously, someone googled this and got to YOLS.

10. How to give up alcohol for non alcoholics.
What can I say to that one? I think that’s kind of the whole vibe of this blog. So, if searching for answers to Q 10. I guess you can just click on a random post (though the ‘12 Dipsomaniac Declarations‘ might be a good starting point) and hopefully you’ll get some words of encouragement or at least an honest account of how I’ve found the experience.

I may not be an alcoholic but I do love my booze. Or I did. And I might again.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 362 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A group of fonts walk into a bar and the barman yells, “Get out of my pub!” . Courier ‘W’, garamond ‘H’, helvetica ‘Y’ and verdana ‘?’ get in line to ask the question, “WHY?” to which the barman replies, “We don’t serve your type in here.”

How about you? Do you have any sober living questions (or answers)? Love to get your comment.

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Jun 26 2012
47 Comments
Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Health, Humor

What is a Dipsomaniac?

Previously on this blog I’ve asked the question “Are you an Alcoholic or a Dipsomaniac?”. In that post I touched on what defined a dipsomaniac but today I thought it was worth expanding on some more, just to make sure I understand what I think I might be, which is:

a dipsomaniac.

But what is a dipsomaniac?

Is it someone who’s crazy about going for lots of quick, short swims?

Is it someone who enjoys rollercoasters but with an inordinate amount of their satisfaction coming from the “Weeeeee we’re going down now!!” part of the ride?

Or is a dipsomaniac someone who takes near erotic pleasure from checking the car engine oil?

“Hmmm. Might need half a litre? Better fill her up until she’s over the line. Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!”

Actually, no, no and….no. A dipsomaniac is none of those things. A dipsomaniac is someone who drinks alcohol. A lot. A lot of alcohol drinker is a dipsomaniac. You would say a dipsomaniac suffers from dipsomania which is defined thus in my dictionary:

dipsomania |ˌdipsəˈmānēə|
noun
alcoholism, specifically in a form characterized by intermittent bouts of craving for alcohol.

A dipsomaniac suffers from dipsomania which is a form of alcoholism. Therefore, going by this definition a dipsomaniac is a form of alcoholic.

That means, drum roll….

I am a form of alcoholic.

But don’t worry, unlike the full-blown Alcoholic the form of alcoholic I have taken is a socially acceptable form. I am the type of alcoholic who drinks every week (before my YOLS) but doesn’t think he has a habit; I am the type of alcoholic who drinks to heighten life’s highs and smooth over life’s rough and boring bits; I am the type of alcoholic nobody admits to being:

A part-time Alky.

But maybe that’s okay? Maybe a dipsomaniac can live a whole life just fine as only a bit of an alcoholic? And though I know many full-time alcoholics describe anyone who has any kind of urging to drink alcohol ever as an Alcoholic, I do not think of myself as a capital ‘A’ Alcoholic. I think of myself as a dipsomaniac, a capital ‘D’ Dipsomaniac.

Sure, by my own admission that is someone who suffers from ‘a form of alcoholism’ but I think there is an important—if slight—difference between the two; I do not consider myself an alcoholic because of my…

‘intermittent bouts of craving for alcohol’

When I was drinking alcohol I rarely drank before lunch time and I would occasionally have Monday or Tuesday (a couple of times both!) completely boozefree. Therefore, according to the definition, I am a dipsomaniac because I don’t (didn’t) drink all day every day but I do crave a drink intermittently.

Before my YOLS the ‘intermittent’ status of my cravings was what saved me from having to admit to myself I had any kind of problem with booze. My thinking was, and still sometimes is, “I’m not a proper, capital A alcoholic because I didn’t/don’t drink in bed; I wasn’t/am not an alcoholic because I have never wee’d in my pants (though drinking multiple pints of beer in London then catching the tube home led to many close calls); and I wasn’t an alcoholic because I had that belated weekend off, those two nights of the week I spent sober.

Two out of seven sober days? Hmmm, that means five out of seven nights drinking? Oh, wait—maybe I was a little more attached to drinking than I cared to admit.

Come to think of it I would occasionally even drink booze in bed too. I seem to remember finishing a stubbie in bed a couple of times—while winding down from a late gig, or after a party, or when the footy was finished and I was still going on a six-pack or…

Oh.

And pre-YOLS I also caught myself debating about whether to go to a party or function if there wasn’t going to be alcohol served. More than once I gave considered thought to how long it would be until I got home from said teetotaler occasions and would be able to open a bottle of wine.

But that’s normal isn’t it. Everyone loves a drink now and then. Don’t they? I mean, only intermittently.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 229 of my Year Of Living Sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A dipsomaniac walks into a bar and the barman says “You again?”

:)

What about you? Are you a bit of a dipsomaniac too? Or do you find labels too restrictive? Love to get your comment.

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Jun 19 2012
15 Comments
Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Health, Humor

What Everyone Should Know About Temporary Teetotalism

 

Goin’ a year without a drink ain’t all beer and skittles

Right now I feel like crap.

And a beer.

At 5:56pm—after bathing our two baby girls and preparing dinner at the end of a day which included visiting a relative in hospital and writing blog articles and editing my latest manuscript—I feel crap and I feel like a beer.

Do I feel like having a beer because I feel crap or do I feel crap because I feel like having a beer? Not sure? A beer would be great though. Then a glass of wine.

Or four.

But, since I decided many months ago on going sober for a year, I won’t be having any of those. There won’t be one alcoholic drink for me. Instead, I’m going to write. I’m going put aside my Day 221 cravings (mental? physical?) to write about what I think everyone should know about temporary teetotalism, which is:

Sometimes ya’ feel like crap.

Now, as I grew aware of my current inner struggle on my Year of Living Sober, and as I thought about ‘writing out’ the ‘negative energy, man’ a big part of me said, “Hey Ben, don’t write about the crap stuff. Stick to the uplifting, jovial posts about how good it is to be sober, about how much money you’re saving—or some other positive benefit that sounds positively twee when you’re in the middle of a craving. Don’t let your guard down and tell the world your old habit of nightly drinking has reared its snappy head demanding to be soothed with some booze—any booze, goddamnit! Make up another Little Booze Joke or something FUN!”

“Wow,” replied my other self (I am a Gemini!). “Seems like you’ve got a strong opinion about keeping mum on the down side to temporary teetotalism. Thanks for sharing, but if you don’t mind, I’m going to go ahead and write whatever I bloody well feel like—thank me very much.”

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said. “Don’t you want people to think you are handling your year off booze easily? Like, ‘boozefree is a breeze, man’?”

“Sure,” I replied to myself. “But only if that’s the truth. If the truth is sometimes on my YOLS I feel like a drink, then I reckon that’s worth sharing too.”

And so it went.

And here I am—sharing the crap.

In the end, the part of me that wanted to share everything won out over the protective, secretive part. After all this blog did start out as a daily account of how I was handling self-imposed sobriety. These blogging adventures into temporary teetotalism began as a daily journal: from Day 1 to Day 69 I didn’t miss a day.

And whether I was suffering from detoxification symptoms, pondering the alcohol level of overripe bananas or admitting how mowing lawns made me beer-thirsty, I wrote about anything that was on my mind.

After the birth of my second daughter, I eased off on the Post Publishing Pedal to about two or three times a week. As a result some of the posts ended up being more summaries of a week or so’s revelations. Other posts I even got a bit funny on (See Ten Funniest Alcohol and Bar Jokes Ever!). But today it’s back to the cold, hard reality of a wine lover without any wine.

And perhaps that’s a good thing? After all this whole YOLS business is probably more about the crap times than the good. It’s about the times when my habits reveal themselves for what they are: unconscious behaviours which have evolved to suppress normal fluctuations in every day life: some days are up, some days are down; some days are stressful, some days are celebratory; some days I don’t obsess about the fact I’m not allowing myself a drink, some days I do.

With a Year of Living Sober I wanted to see what life was like without alcohol. So far I’ve found out one thing I think everybody ought to know about temporary teetotalism: it’s hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. Almost like I imagine what an alcoholic feels like (not that I would EVER consider myself one!), and why so many capital A Alcoholics are encouraged to take it ‘one day at a time’.

That’s about all I can handle today too.

One day, one night.

Feeling…shit.

Though part of me didn’t want to write about how I felt tonight I’m glad I did. So I guess it’s lucky I don’t always listen to myself. Especially when the part doing the talking wants a beer more than anything else on earth.

My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.

Today is Day 222 of my YOLS (Year Of Living Sober).

☆

Little Booze Joke

A giraffe walks into a bar and the barman says “Sorry mate, we don’t serve Heineken here”.

:)

Badda boom boom bang bang!

What about you? Have you ever felt like crap when giving something up? Were you close to giving in to your desire but managed to survive a close call? Love to get your comment.

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Jun 08 2012
10 Comments
Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Healing, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Do you ever feel fractious? I do.

Yesterday was hard.

The alcohol withdrawal symptoms almost got the better of me. Almost.

Okay, my year off booze wasn’t the cause of one of those freaky cold-turkey scenes you see in the movies—like when some poor soul coming off smack spews buckets of black vomit and levitates off a sweat soaked bed, breaking the restraining chains and leather belts employed to keep the addict grounded while the evil spirits (Heroin? Ice? Sportsdrinks? etc…) squirm free—but I did have a detox moment.

I chucked a fit like a two-year-old girl.

Now hopefully I can say that without upsetting any mummys and daddys out there. After all I am a ‘Daddy!’ and I have been watching my eldest girl—who is not yet quite two—throw the type of fit I have been talking about, the type of fit I had.

Hers goes something like this.

“Waaah! Waaah! Waaaah!”

“What’s wrong darling?” I’ll say gently. “What do you want?”

“Waaah. Waaah! Waaah!” she goes again. “I DON’T KNOW!”

“Would you like some grapes?”

“NO!”

“Would you like a banana?”

“NO!”

“Do you want to go to sleep for a while?”

“NO!”

And so it continues until either a booga is found to be the cause of the upset or the television with colorful wiggly furry fun entices our child out of her funk.

“What was that all about?” I’ll say to my wife.

“She doesn’t know what she wants,” says Mrs YOLS wisely, “but she knows she wants something.”

That’s it exactly!

Same for me. Sometimes—like yesterday when I was overcome with a frustratingly difficult to pin-point feeling of unease and irritability—I feel just like my baby girl does. Even today, trying to find the right word to describe my frustration at not being able to have a drink (because of my commitment to a year off booze) and wanting one desperately (but not bad enough to really think about giving up my YOLS) is very difficult.

They say good writing is light on the adjectives but today—f*ck it. Today, and to describe my mood yesterday evening (between the hours of about five and seven) I need ‘em all. Yesterday I was:

irritable, tetchy, cranky, ornery, cantankerous, irascible, bad-tempered, grumpy, grouchy, crotchety, petulant, crabby, crusty, curmudgeonly, ill-tempered, ill-humored, peevish, cross, fractious, pettish, prickly, short-fused, waspish, snappish, snippy.

Like my baby daughter I knew I wanted something but I didn’t know what. So I had to frown and bear it. Luckily, my opposite of good-humored state didn’t last long. After a couple proddings from Mrs YOLS I enjoyed dinner, a little crappy telly, and some time on the couch playing with my new camera (a birthday present for the whole family really—considering I’ll be taking a zillion snaps of the girls as they grow through the many stages of intriguing human development).

“You should blog about this,” said Mrs YOLS. “Tonight, how you were feeling without a drink. You don’t write enough about the hard times, when you’re struggling. You should.”

“You’re right,” I said. “I will.”

And now I have. And now you know. It ain’t all plain sober sailing when you’ve spent a life drinking regularly and you wake up one day and decide to take a break for the next 365. But the good news is, if you are ever overcome by a similar urge to cut down on your alcohol consumption for a time, know this:
Even if you’re a man, sometimes it’s perfectly fine to be a girl.

My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.

Today is Day 211 of my YOLS (Year Of Living Sober).

☆

Little Booze Joke

A toddler carrying a rattle walks into a bar and the bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve minors?” and the toddler says, “What does this look like? Coal?”

Badda bing zing!

How about you? Are there days when you know what you don’t want more than what you do? Are there other days when you don’t know what you want but know it’s something you haven’t got damn it? Always love to get your comments.

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May 01 2012
32 Comments
Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Funny, Healing, Inspiration

How Giving Up Alcohol Makes You Vulnerable: 5 Things I’ve Learned So Far

“It’s soda water actually!”

Today is Day 174 of my Year of Living Sober.

As I continue along towards my goal of spending at least one year of my adult life completely booze-free I am learning a few things I didn’t expect to about how giving up alcohol can make you more vulnerable to physical, emotional and psychological damage, upset and criticism. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

1. Alcohol isn’t the only thing that gives you a hangover.

Giving up alcohol can uncover other ‘nasties’ in your diet. Before giving up drinking for a year I didn’t notice the effects of other sugar carriers so much. But now I have noticed how if you ever eat a lot of sugary products after dinner (like, I don’t know, a packet of Smarties followed by three slices of Jaffa mudcake, two chocolate coated marshmallow biscuits and a bowl of Turkish Delight ice-cream*) you could very well wake up the next day with the same symptoms as a hang-over (dry-mouth, dull head, irritability and GUILT!). You may also find a pimple on your nose.

2. ‘Near Beer’ is meant to be ‘non-alcoholic’ but it actually has a tiny amount of alcohol in it.

Giving up alcohol has reminded me of the destructiveness of obsessive compulsive perfectionist self-righteousness.

Since my YOLS began from time to time (okay, most nights) I’ve taken to drinking the odd fake lager or two and when I found out my beer replacement wasn’t 100% 0% I was worried. I didn’t like the idea I had been tainted by what I had committed to completely cutting out. I’d signed myself up to 1 year, 100% alcohol free. My ‘non-alcoholic’ beer had, I’d felt, sabotaged my plans.

But when I found out even seemingly ‘pure’ food and beverages like fruit and fruit products have some percentage of alcohol in them as well (especially bananas and orange juice) I decided to cut myself some slack. I mean, I’m not even ‘drinking’ vanilla essence anymore!

3. Some Alcoholics will take offence at someone like me—who does not consider himself an alcoholic—trying to make a positive life change also a bit of fun by blogging about it.

Giving up alcohol for ‘only a year’ and then writing about it in a humorous (sometimes?) way has alienated me from a few ‘real’ alcoholics who feel it belittles their lifetime struggle.

I have great admiration for anyone who commits to a life without alcohol but I’m not at that point in my life where I feel I need to do that. I also think there are probably many more people like me who have refrained from adjusting their attitude and behaviour around alcohol because of an unspoken belief that only ‘Alcoholics’—with a capital ‘A’—have a problem.

I do not think drinking alcohol is always a problem for everyone. Nor do I think there is ever only one way to solve a problem (whether alcohol abuse or any other negative behaviour stemming from a sense of unworthiness—or whatever stops us meeting our normal emotional needs in a healthy way). The ubiquitous ’12 steps’ aren’t for everyone.

4. Maybe alcohol was a bigger problem in my life than I thought, when I started this YOLS?

When I first decided to give up alcohol for a year I thought my drinking was probably a bad habit but not THAT bad. As I lifted the veil of that habit from my life I began to see how in the past, drinking too much may well have cost me opportunities in business and pleasure.

Though it is hard to pin-point examples, writing on this blog has caused me to look back on my life and see how what started as ‘normal’ excessive teenage drinking continued, mostly unabated, until about 174 days ago. For most of the weekends (especially) during that time I was wasted. I was wasted a lot of the time; I wasted a lot of time.

But the past is done and all I can change is how I go into my future.

As a writer who wishes to be enjoyed AND understood it is important for me to have clarity in my life. And that is important not only in my professional life but in my personal life too. I have learned I’m not only more productive (writing more words of greater quality) when not drinking but I feel and express myself more clearly in my relationships too. My thought processes in general seem more precise.

5. I feel vulnerable making any admissions—about how my life might be better without alcohol—public.

What if, after my year off drinking is over, I simply go back to my old habit of near nightly consumption of more than the recommended alcohol allowance (which always seemed to me ridiculously low anyway!)? Any epiphanies will, in retrospect, seem shallow and perhaps pointless even?

And, though one of the reasons I’m doing this blog is to openly explore and share any struggles (and victories) over the course of my year off booze, sometimes I’m embarrassed to admit how often I think of how long I’ve got to go. Like everyday. Everyday when I mark off another alcohol-free day on my YOLS calendar I think about when I’ll get to have another drink.

Doesn’t sound like an obsession at all, does it?

It does remind me of a quote from the Bhagavad-Gita though:

“The abstinent run away from what they desire but carry their desires with them.”

There’s more I’ve learned about my relationship with alcohol since I began my YOLS (on 11/11/2011—a cool date because it means the same whether you are an Australian, like me, an American, or any other nationality) but those are the first five things that come to mind this morning.

And I’m still learning.

My name is Ben and I am a social experiment.

*Low Fat
☆

Little Booze Joke

A philosophy student walks into a bar and the barman says, “What’ll it be?” and the philosophy student says, “Well it depends on what ‘it’ was, what ‘it’ is, who’s observing ‘it’ and from what moral, religious and intellectual paradigm ‘it’ is being considered.” The barman looks at the philosophy student and says, “Get out.”

How about you? Has any life-change brought up vulnerabilities for you too? Is your relationship with alcohol easily defined? Or maybe a bit murky? I’d love to get your comment.

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Mar 14 2012
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Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Funny, Healing, Inspiration

One Third The Way Through My YOLS

Are the glasses one-third empty or two-thirds full?

Today is Day 125 of my Year Of Living Sober.

That means I’m over one-third of the way towards achieving my goal of 365 days booze free. Cool. But before I get carried away with patting myself on my back I must tell you the real reason I started this blog was not just so I could be an annoying teetotaller, self-righteously bragging about my twelve wonderful booze-free months (that’s only part of the reason!), no, the real reason was by making the old ‘public statement for which I could be held accountable’, I couldn’t back out when things got tough.

And man, things got tough.

It started a couple of weeks ago. The cravings were killing me. It seemed every night all I could think about was having ‘just one beer’ or ‘just one keg’. Once or twice I even mimed drinking a glass of wine. Seriously. I pretended to drink, like a two-year-old imitating his parents I giggled manically.

“Mmmm. It tastes SO GOOD!”

But though I did go a bit lush loopy I didn’t seriously consider breaking my 365 day plonk-fast, not for a beer, a red wine, a sneaky shot of turpentine or thimble of mouthwash. But I WAS obsessed with contemplating HOW LONG I had to go before I could (or would allow myself to) have an alcoholic beer.

‘Near Beer’ is close but sorry, no cigar.

And I wasn’t alone in my suffering. The wife copped it too. “I’m not even half way!” I may have whined (see what I did there?) a couple times or eight. But eventually the vocal complaints to my better sober half reverted to an inner dialogue (“Focus on something fun, Ben. Like cutting your toe nails”) and eventually the psychological rough patch passed completely. Phew.

But I’m not exactly sure though why things got easier?

Maybe getting stuck into the second draft of my latest novel helped? Maybe my increasingly vigorous exercise regime distracted me too, especially as I’m starting to see good results (less flab more fab—so my wife reckons)? And maybe my resolve to constantly remind myself of what I DO have and not what I’m missing out on is part of it too?

A big part I reckon.

My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

:)

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Feb 12 2012
2 Comments
Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Funny

Honestly, giving up drinking is difficult

It aint called 'happy hour' for nothin'!

Is giving up drinking really that hard? For me the answer is definitely yes.

And no.

You see there are many factors involved and I often feel torn in two.

One part of me is very happy to be committed to an experiment in sobriety by taking a year off drinking. The other part of me, the part which has (had?) a million good reasons for having a drink (it’s a party; it’s the weekend; it’s hot outside; it’s cold; it’s an ultimately meaningless life we give meaning to in order to cope with the unfathomability of it all; it’s day time), fancies a drink.

But so far the ‘good’ angel on my shoulder is winning the war of whether to be a woozer and give up on my YOLS or be a winner and stick to my guns. So far, I haven’t given in to my mostly mental cravings for having a beer or a glass of wine.

So, when’s the hardest time? When is that ‘devil’ voice—the one urging me to kick back with a bottle of red, forget all this nonsense about temporary teetotallism and drink my troubles away—loudest? As of today, Sunday 12th February 2012 (93 days gone of my 365 not-drinking) I’m pretty confident to say the stickiest point is around mid- to late-afternoon. Five-o-clock is probably toughest.

Especially on the week-ends.

Maybe that’s cause I’m less bound-up in my writing work? Maybe it’s because the house is busier and less regimented? Maybe it’s cause there’s heaps of sport on the Telly and even if I’m not exactly a sports-mad man I am still a man: some stupid habits are genetic.

But despite my strong ‘urges’ to have a bloody REAL beer or JUST ONE bottle of wine (!)—I don’t. And now I know the pattern of my cravings I am prepared for it. It doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with an internal dialogue (and often an external one: “Geez, I could go a glass of red right now, oh dear and patient wife!”) but it does mean I am getting better at recognising THIS TOO SHALL PASS moments of maddening, conflicting desires.

So, yeah, it IS difficult to go sober for a year. But not impossible.

I think.

My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.

(Today is Day 94 of my Year of Living Sober. But the day aint over yet.)

☆

Little Booze Joke

A chocolate walks into a bar and says, “I thought I’d end up in you one day.”

:)

HOW ABOUT YOU? WHAT DO YOU BATTLE WITH GIVING UP? ANYTHING? IS IT EASY?

 

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Feb 04 2012
9 Comments
Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Funny

How to Have More Powerful Erections (Without Pills!)

Does my dick look big in this?

Would you like a more powerful erection? A penis with purpose? One one-eye not so timid, or self-effacing—a dick who know’s it’s a dick? A mover and shaker as opposed to a lifeless and limper? Do you dream of having a well connected cock, a knob in the know?

No, this aint junk mail. I simply couldn’t resist using that headline for today’s post. And once I got going. Well…

‘Powerful Erection’ is not an autocorrect mistake either; nor is it a politically incorrect joke about a Chinese political reporter.

I’m talking POWERFUL and I’m talking ERECTION and I chose those words carefully:

Powerful. Erection. Powerful Erection. Have More.

What man would say no to that? What woman for that matter? In this crazy up-and-down, topsy-turvy and in-and-out world the juice that initially gets things going for all of us comes from one thingey: a knob. So who would choose a flacid, pimple-sized phallange if a tough tower of rigidity was on offer?

Not me.

But having a powerful penis and being a big drinker—like I used to be—are not as compatible as Charlie Sheen might have us believe. In fact drinking too much can lead to…too little. There’s no doubt heaps of other medical evidence out there but I found at least one WEBSITE reporting of the possibility of increasing shrinkage of the old fella due to too chugging too much booze.

The evidence seems to support the notion that over supply of alcohol leads to undersupply of testosterone which, over time, can lead to downsizing of the down and dirty dipping stick.

The drunk dangler will deteriorate detectably.

What’s more, there is proof that boozin’ too much makes it hard to…well, get hard:

“There is also the disadvantage of not being able to feel pleasure. It makes it extremely difficult to achieve orgasm. But also alcohol inhibits the ability to even achieve and sustain erection. Alcohol causes the blood vessels to dilate, which prevents the blood that flows into the penis to make it hard from staying in the penis. The blood drains back into the rest of the body, and the penis becomes flaccid.”

Flaccid. The opposite of what the human race requires to perpetuate; the antithesis of arousal, the enemy of erotica.

"Like EVERY time after a work orgy."

So, in another 275 days when I return to drinking I will try and remember that I have a choice. I can either drink moderately and have a powerful knob or get drunk and be one.

When I put it like that it doesn’t seem like a hard choice. But since embarking on my YOLS it IS hard. Very hard.

:)

My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.

(Today is Day 90 of my Year of Living Sober. But the day aint over yet.)

☆

Little Booze Joke

A sexy Iranian woman walks into a bar, orders a vodka and tells the bartender to hold the small talk unless he’s got a pun she’s never heard before. “By the way,” she adds, “what’s your name?” The barman smiles, hands her the vodka and says, “Ivan Adooyah.”

HOW ABOUT YOU? HAS BOOZE EVER CAME BETWEEN YOU AND A SEXY TIME? DO TELL…

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