Filed under Affirmations …

Nov 11 2012
13 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Healing, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Is a year of living sober worth celebrating?

Year of Living Sober TROPHY

Done and dusted. And polished!

Is a year of living sober worth celebrating? Bloody oath, mate!

I made it!

As of today I have officially survived (and thrived in) one whole year without taking a drop of da dacks dropping demon drink.

But so what?

I mean really.

“Just get on with life and chalk your YOLS up to experience, Ben. Why ya’ gotta make a big deal about it?”

Sure it means a lot to me but in the proverbial great scheme of things is a year of living sober really worth celebrating? And if so, how? By writing myself off by drinking half (or even one-hundedth) of what I missed out on during my year off booze? I reckon I’ll get pissed on one glass of beer; wine might blow my sober mind.

Also, who should I celebrate my year of temporary teetotalism with? My friends? My family?

Alone?

Thank You

One way I am celebrating is by sharing this day with you, my reader, my blog buddy, my long-distant champion of this ozzie guy’s goal to go twelve months sober.

Thank you for sharing this journey. It really means a lot to me to know my ramblings have made a connection with like-minded (and some not so like-minded) souls around the world.

And thanks to you, and your comments, messages and emails (not to mention re-tweets, oh how a RT validates my writer-aint-a-writer-without-a-reader self) I love blogging and tweeting heaps more than I did before YOLS.

So Much To Celebrate

Besides rejoicing in my return to the ranks of the moderately drinking I also think it is good to celebrate in order to take a moment and reflect on the other benefits my year of living sober brought me. I covered many of them in ‘12 Months of Sober Living‘ but the big ‘uns are:

- I’ve been super productive: releasing my second novel, acting in an indie film and blogging or tweeting everyday for the whole year

- I’ve saved money. (Yesterday, in order to be prepared with a variety of drinks to choose from (for my FADFOY) I bought a six-pack of beer and a bottle of champagne. Even though they were both on special I was acutely aware that the plonk in my hands was a pure luxury item, or items, which could in no way be recycled to provide nappy protection or soft-toy comfort to either of my baby girls. Daddy got the guilts!)

- I’ve become a better blogger (you may or may not agree with that claim but YOLS is definitely the most popular blog I’ve ever done)

- I’ve made friends with people I haven’t met (when YOU share OTHERS share too)

- I’ve learned I’m not alone in thinking there is a murky zone somewhere between being an alcoholic or constant binge drinker and a total abstainer or teetotaller: it’s good to know I am not alone in sometimes swimming those murky waters (where not much water is drunk)

- I only had one migraine, of lesser intensity that normal too, in a period where I normally could have expected many more

- My light-sensitivity is much better: my wife noticed I don’t wear my sunglasses when making love anymore

Year of Living Sober CAKE

My wife had this especially made. I love my wife.

So, considering the little victory my year off booze represents in a world in seemingly constant and ever-increasing turmoil, is a year of living sober worth celebrating? Well, as we say down under…

Bloody oath mate.

And I’m celebrating with everyone: my friends, my family (blogging, blood and marriage!) and my self.

So cheers to me.

And cheers to you.

Whatever you think, wherever you are may you always remember to celebrate the little victories.

Whether you choose to drink or not.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

A proud dipsomaniac.

Year of Living Sober

☆

Little Booze Joke

A man walks into a bar with a lump of tarmac under his arm and the barman says, “What would you like?”. The man sits down, puts him lump of tarmac on a bar stool next to him and says, “A pint of beer for me and one for the road.”

PS. Tune in for the lowdown (next post) on what it was like to have my FADFOY. I’m sure I’ll have more juicy stuff to share. Hopefully it won’t involve recalling the sight of undigested carrots, bile and other stomach contents puked on the bathroom floor after a belated booze binge.

PSS. I’m pretty sure it won’t!

PSSS. But anything’s possible.

:)

How about you? Do you think completing a YOLS is worth celebrating? Love to get your comment.

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Nov 10 2012
11 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Healing, Health, Humor, Inspiration

What is a YOLS?

“Or maybe the next.”

What is a YOLS?

The answer to the question, “What is a YOLS?” is this: YOLS is an acronym for ‘Year of Living Sober’.

A YOLS is a year of living sober.

If one was to say something like, “No wine for me thanks, I’m on a YOLS.” we could understand that to mean the person is normally a drinker but for the period of twelve straight months they will be refraining from drinking as an experience in self-discipline designed to provide possible results including:

- The KNOWLEDGE said YOLSer can go a year without booze

- The EXPERIENCE of 52 weeks without a hangover

- The increased HEALTH BENEFITS (less of your favourite ‘poison’ is good for you; exercise is easier without a hangover too)

- Saving MONEY

- Saving FACE (getting off your face sometimes leads to you trying to get off with people who would rather you ‘f’-off)

And more (check ‘10 Reasons To Give Up Alcohol For A Year‘).

So, YOLS is an acronym for this personal project to give up drinking alcohol for one year but YOLS is more than just a hashtag friendly four letter way to communicate four words. YOLS could also be the name of something you might like to try.

#YOLS

Today is the final day of my YOLS.

As I come to the end of my YOLS I would love to see it live on in any way that serves a useful purpose to others interested in trying on the teetotal life—for a little while.

Or a long while. Whatever works for you.

And since a bunch of my bloggin’ buddies and twitter chums have taken to using the YOLS shorthand I imagine one way YOLS might live on is as a simple—perhaps fun; possibly even ‘cool’—way to describe a year of living sober.

While I’m definitely not the first big drinker to take a year-long break, nor am I the first to blog about the experience, it is still a first for me. Until my YOLS I’d never gone a year without a drink. Well, not since I was barely a teenager anyway.

YOLS is a Breakthrough

Doing a YOLS was a personal breakthrough for me. And I’ve learnt a lot. Not just about what it feels like to be the seemingly only one sober in a rowdy pub (a bit boring). This YOLS has helped me become more open, vulnerable and self-accepting.

My personal YOLS has encouraged me to share my conflicting thoughts about alcohol (I love it and I loathe myself sometimes for drinking too much of it) and it has also taught me how to communicate better, more effectively, in this modern era of online open-source sharing (where each of us bloggers, twitterers and facebookers are the source).

The focus of this blog has helped me understand what makes a good blog. A CLEAR subject or theme. So while YOLS is a blog, the name of an exercise in self-discipline and a shorthand way of describing what more and more people seem to be drawn to experiencing for themselves, it is also, at the most basic level, an IDEA.

What’s the YOLS idea?

The idea of YOLS hat someone might choose to give up alcohol, not because they are an alcoholic but because they love themselves as much as they love drinking and they want to give their self a NEW experience of life without booze.

So, if one day you happen to be at a party and over-hear someone say, “No beer for me, thanks, I’m on a YOLS.” You’ll know exactly what’s going down.

No booze.

For 365 days.

Straight.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 366 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A man walks into a bar and orders six whiskies. He lines them up in a row and knocks back the first, third, and fifth glasses. As he gets up to leave the barman asks him, “Don’t you want the others?. You’ve only had three of your six whiskies.” The man shakes his head and replies, “Best not. My doctor said I should only have the odd drink.”

:)

PS. As long as I don’t get overwhelmed by an urge to get out of bed at 12:01 am tonight to have a glass of wine I intend on doing a short post tomorrow morning, before I have my FADFOY (First Alcoholic Drink For One Year). Do tune in.

How about you? Have you ever taken a YOLS or two? Is it a challenge that intrigues you in any way? Love to get your comment.

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Nov 08 2012
10 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Healing, Health, Humor, Inspiration, Productivity

12 Months of Sober Living: A Big Drinker’s Year Off Booze

12 Months of Sober Living

With 3 days to go on my year of living sober I thought it would be a good time to recap my 12 months of sober living.

Today’s post is a quick-ish look back over my shoulder at some of the sober highlights of my YOLS as well as some of the stuff I normally would have done with a drink in my hand and a couple already in my belly.

And maybe with another one in my sights!

But, and as you’ll know from reading any of the previous 137 posts on how I’ve experienced and coped with a year off booze, I made a commitment to myself to do everything I’d normally do in a life which had for over twenty years included alcohol almost every week (and immediately pre-YOLS, every night) without a drop of booze.

And, I am happy to say I have—so far—kept that commitment.

Not a drop of alcohol in 363 days.

So now, let’s get into…

12 Months of Sober Living: A Big Drinker’s Year Off Booze

Month 1

After an excruciating and blinding (literally) migraine following a boozy family wedding I made the vow to myself not to drink any alcohol for a year. My wife was surprised but supportive. As she was seven months pregnant and not drinking herself I thought it would be a good time to do something good for my health and maybe my family too.

- K.D. Lang concert. YOLS bonus: enjoyed awesome show from one of my favourite singers and didn’t have to line up at the public toilets to relieve myself of any beer, wine or spirits purchased at the bar.

- Flew to Sydney to promote my first novel (The Last Great Day) on national morning television show, Sunrise. Would have normally been tempted by hotel bar-fridge but spent down-time writing instead (did first NANO, during which I completed a draft of a yet unpublished novel in one month). YOLS bonus: more productive.

Month 2

- Public reading in support of foreward I wrote for creative writing compilation book. Free booze but none for me. YOLS bonus: drove home happy to be pulled over and breath-tested for driving under the influence. Wasn’t.
- Christmas. Didn’t drink but still probably ate more than I needed to. YOLS bonus: would probably have pigged out worse if I’d been drinking too.

Month 3

- Daughter born! My wife Pauli, and my then not yet two-year-old daughter, Honey, welcomed our second child, Cherry, into our family. YOLS bonus: being stone cold sober may have given more confidence to my wife I was ready to drive her to hospital should our plan for a home-birth not play out. It didn’t. I drove us to the hospital. (N.B. The emergency C-section went perfectly fine and everyone is healthy and happy).

Month 4

- Exercise. My calendar for this month is FULL of exercise entries. Running, biking, push-uppering. YOLS bonus: on 29th of that month I did 25 push ups. Room for improvement but it was a start.

Month 5

- Quit TVC acting. Twenty-something years ago I was a kid with a dream of becoming a movie star. Somewhere along the way the acting part of my creative output ended up being auditioning for one television commercial after the other. Not only have the rates of pay not gone up for actors appearing in television commercials (not even in line with inflation) but I had become increasingly bored with the way many directors treat actors like cattle. And I had become resentful of being made to wait for an hour to humiliate myself miming eating junk food for a director who’s only direction often is something like ‘I’m not sure what I want from you but do something different this time.’ YOLS bonus: solution to my angst was clear, simply tell the agencies not to call you for commercials anymore.

Month 6

- New novel. Besides blogging about my YOLS and extending our family (!) much of this year has been about me finishing and publishing my second novel, Zippin Pippin. YOLS bonus: no hangovers=more writing. More clarity too.

Month 7

- Emerging Writers’ Festival ‘Structure’ seminar. As an official blogger for Melbourne’s Emerging Writers’ Festival I was also very happy when they asked me to present one of the seminars for emerging writers. YOLS bonus: spent night before seminar preparing notes instead of polishing off a bottle of wine, no doubt reaping rewards of the smooth presentation the following day.

Month 8

- Birthday. Generally on my birthday I’ll have a few drinks. At least some champagne. But this year, nothing. YOLS bonus: focussed on family fun instead of sloshing self. Go big daddy, go!

Month 9

- Final edits, formatting and packaging for Zippin Pippin: there’s a lot to be done as an independent author! YOLS bonus: even get some work done AFTER dinner.

Month 10

- Zippin Pippin published and promoted, cast to act in indie film with mate (Chocolate, Strawberry, Vanilla coming to a screen near you in 2013!), and Honey turns two. YOLS bonus: fit quite a bit into Month 10.

Month 11

- Continued healing. Over the year I’d been having a treatment about once a month of kinesiology/reiki. I really feel these sessions, combined with my year off booze, have helped liberate more energy and focus my attention on a new, positive future of me manifesting all I want with life by bringing more awareness to everything I think, say and do. YOLS bonus: saving money on booze meant I could happily spend it on investing in my health.

Month 12

- Goal in sight. Perhaps the most significant thing to happen in the final month of my year of living sober is that I will complete it. With three days to go I’m quietly confident I won’t lose my resolve now. YOLS bonus: knowledge I can accomplish something I never have before.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 364 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A penguin walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Have you seen my brother?’ The barman says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

How about you? Have you accomplished some positive stuff in the past year? Love to get your comment.

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Nov 06 2012
2 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Effects of Abstinence, Healing, Health, Humor, Inspiration

What to Expect When Giving Up Alcohol: Answers for 10 Sober Living Questions

When he gave up drinking it made her so happy

Before I began my year off booze I didn’t really know what to expect when giving up alcohol. Now I’m almost at the end of my temporary teetotal journey I’ve learned a few things about what happens when a big drinker swaps a bottle of wine a night for a soda water, ginger beer, non-alcoholic beer and a couple cups of tea.

He still has to ‘pass water’ but his aim is that much better.

And don’t being a straight shooter make the wife that little happier when she follows her hubby into the loo too.

So apart from laser-wee-eye what else can you expect when giving up alcohol? Well, as this blog is part journal, part community service—if it’s at all possible I’d love it if my self-inflicted year long alcohol abstinence could have SOME positive effect on others who might be considering trying a week (WOLS), month (MOLS) or even the full year of living sober (YOLS) themselves—I thought what better way to serve the community of readers who’ve sort out the YOLS blog than by answering the very questions that drive many interneters here.

That’s why today I decided to answer some of the questions which have google-search led web surfers to the YOLS blog, questions that have popped up in my search engine terms.

So, here goes. I hope you enjoy…

10 Questions for Sober Living

1. How does it feel after eight days of alcohol free?
To be honest, I can’t quite remember. A lot different that after eight days of free alcohol. Luckily I wrote this post on the eight day of my year of living sober to remind me what my first week or so was like.

2. Can real men go sober?
It depends who you think a ‘real man’ is. Bruce Lee? Bruce Willis? Samuel L. Jackson? Eddie Murphy? Australian football legend and octogenarian fitness guru, Tom Hafey? All these dudes don’t drink. I reckon the answer is ‘bloody oath’, real men can go sober.

4. What is the great thing about giving up booze?
Not having to go to the toilet as often. Maybe it’s just ‘cause I used to drink quite a bit of beer. Still, I reckon less piss-stops is THE great thing about giving up booze. Maybe not the GREATEST thing, but pretty high up the list.

5. What to expect when giving up alcohol?
Everyone is an individual (except me) so who knows exactly what YOU can expect but it might include withdrawal symptoms like headaches (I had a few in the early days of YOLS), general restlessness and cravings for a drink.

You can also expect friends, family and even casual acquaintances to have an opinion on your ‘giving up alcohol’. Some will be supportive, many will not: not everyone likes to be reminded (aren’t we all mirrors of each other?) of the fact they too could probably go a little easier on the sauce.

6. What are ten reasons to give up drinking?
Covered that back on this post for Day 32 sober (also on the PAGE above).

7. How to give up alcohol for a month?
Just say no. Even to your self. If you need help you can join up with one of the many temporary teetotaller organisations/community groups which have evolved over the last few years to include:
Feb – FebFast
July – Dry July
October – Ocsober
All year – Hello Sunday Morning
At any of these websites you can connect with and find strength from other like-minded folk who want to take a MOLS (Month of Living Sober, remember) AND raise money for good causes.

8. What are some affirmations to cut back on drinking?
“I enjoy being sober.”
“I love myself exactly as I am.”
“I accept myself whether I drink alcohol or not.”
“I release the need for alcohol, hangovers, and spending twenty-five dollars a pop on cocktails.”

Also check ‘What’s Your Next Step In Healing’.

9. I’ve given up alcohol, why can’t I stop farting.*
The beans! Stop eating the beans!
* Seriously, someone googled this and got to YOLS.

10. How to give up alcohol for non alcoholics.
What can I say to that one? I think that’s kind of the whole vibe of this blog. So, if searching for answers to Q 10. I guess you can just click on a random post (though the ‘12 Dipsomaniac Declarations‘ might be a good starting point) and hopefully you’ll get some words of encouragement or at least an honest account of how I’ve found the experience.

I may not be an alcoholic but I do love my booze. Or I did. And I might again.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 362 of my year of living sober.

☆

Little Booze Joke

A group of fonts walk into a bar and the barman yells, “Get out of my pub!” . Courier ‘W’, garamond ‘H’, helvetica ‘Y’ and verdana ‘?’ get in line to ask the question, “WHY?” to which the barman replies, “We don’t serve your type in here.”

How about you? Do you have any sober living questions (or answers)? Love to get your comment.

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Oct 20 2012
2 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Dipsomaniac Declaration Number Twelve

Year of Living Sober's Dipsomaniac Declaration Number Twelve

Wow. It’s here already. The final post in Year of Living Sober’s series of 12 Dipsomaniac Declarations.

Here’s Number Twelve:

As a Dipsomaniac I share my experiences openly.

Like the rest of YOLS’ DDs number 12 is inspired by the corresponding Alcoholics Anonymous step. AAs step number 12 is:

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Why the AA step doesn’t work for dipsomaniacs.

Even though it might seem that by writing this booze-free blog I am following step 12 of Alcoholics Anonymous (by carrying a sober ‘message’ to alcoholics), I see YOLS more as a way of me being completely open. (Well, as ‘open’ as I can be without posting computer-cam pics of me writing in my towel!)

I’m simply sharing my story. I’m not suggesting every big drinker—or any big drinker—should do the same as me and have a year of living sober, just to make sure they can. It’s not for me to tell anyone what to do, even if something has worked (or is working) for me.

Everyone’s spiritual journey is as unique as their physical one; no step is ever quite the same.

Dipsomaniacs seeking to manage their own alcohol consumption do not need to tell others to do the same. They might want to share about how good it was waking up without a hangover (or a sexual partner they’d forgotten the name of) but they don’t need to preach about it.

“Wait a minute, Ben. Isn’t it ‘preaching’ to say ‘Don’t Preach!’?”

Ahh, yeah, you got me there, Ben. But, please, don’t be so pedantic. All I mean to say is, something me and a million hippies have said before: “Live and let live, man!”

And if you want to ‘carry’ a ‘message’ into the world, why not make it one of unconditional love and acceptance rather than one of ‘Do As I Do (don’t drink) Or You Are Doomed (to the life of an alcohol dependent)’?

But even as I say that I know the world is a mysterious place—full of contradictions and dichotomies—and practicing unconditional love and acceptance means I shouldn’t judge others for judging others.

So, drink up, I say. And spread any word you feel compelled to. For me the word of the last 345 days has been ‘dipsomaniac’. Before I started my year of living sober I didn’t know the word existed.

But now I do.

And I’m happy to call myself one. And share my story.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 345 of my year of living sober.

★

Little Booze Joke

A computer walks into a bar and announces to everyone, “Free beers for any gal who shows me her tits.” The bartender rushes over and says, “Hey mate that’s very generous of you but it’s not very PC.” The computer makes an error sound, an angry pixellated face flashes on the screen and the computer replies, “What do you want from me? I’m an Apple.”

How about you?  Do you share openly? Or are you guarded about sensitive issues like whether you drink too much booze or not? Love to get your comment.

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Oct 19 2012
6 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Dipsomaniac Declaration Number Eleven

Dipsomaniac Declaration Number Eleven

Today’s post is Number 11 in the series of ‘12 Dipsomaniac Declarations’.

Over this series I’m offering all ‘booze lovers’ (especially those who’d maybe like to cut back a bit) an alternative step to each of the official 12 steps offered by Alcoholics Anonymous.

Here’s Number Eleven:

As a Dipsomaniac I accept my part in the infinity of creation, however seemingly small, is important in the universal scheme of things.

Like the rest of YOLS’ DDs number 11 is inspired by the corresponding Alcoholics Anonymous step. AAs step number 11 is:

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Why the AA step doesn’t work for Dipsomaniacs.

Keeping my personal beliefs (about an inherently perfect universe and intelligent force far beyond my comprehension creating and controlling all life in a magic, divine and mysterious order) out of it, you don’t need to believe in God to find discipline in your drinking life.

If, as a self-described dipsomaniac, you have decided you’re not an alcoholic but you do drink a bit too much sometimes, you can simply focus your attention on accepting that fact about yourself and be open to experiencing something new.

Basically, the problem with AA’s eleventh step is probably down to it being the most ‘religiously’ worded of all 12 steps—despite the somewhat confused attempt to allow for beliefs not confined to a capital ‘H’ big Him in the sky. As such it is ambiguous when it comes to how it applies to cutting down on the booze.

What is ‘His will’ in relation to an individual’s choice to drink or not? By including this wording AA seems to imply that He (God/Him) definitely doesn’t want His people to drink booze.

But that’s ridiculous.

I’ve met some very spiritual drunks and some God-less (God-fearing) abstainers. In my experience at least it seems ‘conscious contact with God’ can be made by people whacked out of their whizzer (or whizzed out of their whacker) just as readily as it can be by people who’ve never touched a drop of the dipsomaniac’s delight in their life.

And whether you believe in capital G God or not, you can plug into the spirit of the universe with or without the spirit of the bottle.

Wonder and wine ain’t mutually exclusive.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 344 of my year of living sober.

★

Little Booze Joke

Jesus walks into a bar on Good Friday and the barman says, “Hey Jesus, I didn’t think strict Christians drank at Easter?” and Jesus says, “If you knew what kind of day I had?”

What do you think?  Is it necessary to believe in God to want to cut down on the booze-fuelled interference between you and the Universal Intelligence? Love to get your comment.

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Oct 18 2012
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Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Dipsomaniac Declaration Number Ten

Dipsomaniac Declaration Number Ten

Today it’s time for the tenth in Year of Living Sober’s series of 12 Dipsomaniac Declarations.

Here’s Number Ten:

As a Dipsomaniac I express myself in the moment.

Like the rest of YOLS’ DDs number 10 is inspired by the corresponding Alcoholics Anonymous step. AA’s step number 10 is:

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Why the AA step doesn’t work for dipsomaniacs.

‘Personal inventory’ is a ‘too fancy way of saying something which can be simple’. What about simply ‘be honest‘?

Always.

Besides I don’t think it’s very healthy to think of ourselves as some sort of factory where ‘good’ and ‘bad’ behaviours are stored and dispensed by an unreliable (which is a negative way of referring to the changeable nature of us ‘adaptable’ humans) distribution manager.

While I think it is very healthy to be humble, and to never pretend we know more than we do—especially about stuff we ain’t had diddly squat experience with—I don’t like this idea of guilting ourselves into confession. Reeks of doing religious penance or something like that.

What IS healthy is to be present and to acknowledge what is real for you NOW.

Maybe it’s my complete reverence for nature—and watching how things have a way of working themselves out when you remove your opinion about how they should go—but why not just say what’s on your mind; what’s really on your mind.

Then, based on your body language, personal history and tone of voice (among many other signs of truth/lie telling), the other person is going to make up their own mind whether you’re being truthful or not anyway.

But that’s just how I feel today. Maybe I’ll feel differently, in the now-moment, tomorrow?

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 343 of my year of living sober.

★

Little Booze Joke

A cat walks into a bar and says, “Give me a glass of your cheapest white wine.” The bartender starts pouring the cat’s drink and says, “Are you sure you want the cheapest? To be honest this stuff tastes like, well, cat’s piss.” The cat grins and starts slurping from the glass before replying, “That’s okay, I’m on a detox. But I’m allowed to drink my own urine.”

How about you? Do you keep a personal inventory of moral/immoral behaviour? Love to get your comment.

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Oct 17 2012
2 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Dipsomaniac Declaration Number Nine

Dipsomaniac Declaration Number Nine

There’s a lot of cruelty in the world.

And I don’t just mean the kind inflicted upon us all by television programmers.

Man is capable of nasty stuff. Even when we like or love another human we can treat them mean and cruel and rather than bring joy, love and nice home-cooked meals to the table we bring jealousy, anger and furniture broken in fits of rage.

But, as much as I am a peace loving spiritual seeker I also see that we get to the sublime by going through the blah. The shadow lurking within us all only exists because of our light.

Personally, I believe my appreciation of the simple, magical things in life—like nature, sunsets and a baby’s first steps—is all the more greater because I’ve walked a little on the wild side—I’ve seen (and done?) things in dodgy bars I hope my daughter’s never have to witness.

Though they probably will.

And that’s okay. As long as I can hopefully help them to understand that everyone on this planet takes their own course and even when we bump into them, we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves for any repercussions of our ‘dance’.

Live and let live. And all that.

So it’s with that philosophy of acceptance, of yin/yang extremes and everything in between, that I bring you today’s Dipsomaniac Declaration, the ninth in Year of Living Sober’s series of 12 Dipsomaniac Declarations.

Here it is:

As a Dipsomaniac I trust others are on their own perfect path.

Like the rest of YOLS’ DDs number 9 is inspired by the corresponding Alcoholics Anonymous step. AAs step number 9 is:

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Why the AA step doesn’t work for dipsomaniacs.

As I briefly discussed in Dipsomaniac Declaration Number Eight, a dipsomaniac doesn’t need to make amends. All a dipsomaniac needs to do is remember to be present to his or her action in the now.

Whether that action is drinking garlic-infused vodka shots at a grunge goth bar, mowing the lawn on a warm spring day, or driving to work in peak-hour, a dipsomaniac knows the power of consciousness lies in where it is focussed.

And the ‘present’ is all we can dream of having any possible real effect on.

But when you look to make amends you are looking to the past; you are looking to another time and projecting imperfect memories of what actually happened, memories distorted over time—by guilt perhaps—or simply the booze haze.

Alternatively, by trusting everyone is on their perfect path, we liberate ourselves from guilt over what we might accuse ourselves of having done (or are accused of by manipulative others) and can get on with walking down our own path. Or trimming the hedges (not a euphemism for pubic-hair maintenance).

Yes, in my pre-YOLS life I got drunk once (or a twice—multiplied by 1000) and said terrible things. Is that good? I don’t know. Is it bad? I don’t know. Is it something I need to experience again? Maybe, but hopefully not.

I do know I can’t go back in time and arbitrarily choose people or events whom or which I feel I may have impacted on negatively. I have no way of knowing what the domino effect of my actions (positive and negative) has been; maybe everything I’ve ever said and done has been part of a perfect Universal plan: I could be a perfect ‘imperfect’ part, having never said or done anything truly out of order.

Basically it comes down to me believing we’re all getting what we need. And therefore, we’re also GIVING what we need to be giving to others too.

And so there’s nothing to make amends for.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 342 of my year of living sober.

★

Little Booze Joke

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog and stands in the center of the bar. To everyone’s surprise he then takes the dog by the chain and starts swinging him around above his head.

 Everyone stops drinking and stares, many shaking their heads in disgust at the way the poor dog is being treated. One particularly miffed woman runs up to the blind man and demands to know, “What the hell are you doing?”

 The blind man turns towards the woman and says, “Oh, nothing much. Just looking around.”

What do you think? Is it possible to make amends for past wrongs if you can’t even be sure how you’ve ‘wronged’? Love to get your comment.

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Oct 15 2012
6 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Booze Was Always On My Mind

Booze Brainius Maximus

“Booze Was Always On My Mind”.

It sounds like a song by Willy Nelson doesn’t it? But it’s not. It’s the title of this blog post because of what my wife said to me this morning.

“Since you’ve hit the forty day mark I think you’ve said something about how much you are looking forward to a drink almost every day,” she said, in between feeding our youngest some mushed up avocado. “You should write about that on your blog.”

So I am.

Here it is. The perspective of another person on my year of living sober. A view which basically comes down to this:

“You make out it’s so easy but you struggle every day.”

Now, Pauli may not have said those exact words—but she has expressed that sentiment before, more than once. She thinks I write too much about how easy it is for me and not enough about hard it’s been.

“People want to know about the struggle. Tell them about your struggle!”

Maybe she’s right. The thing is I’ve never tried to deny the fact I still think about how nice a REAL beer would be (instead of the near-beer non-alcoholic replacement I’ve taken to) or how lovely a glass or two (or three) of Cabernet Sauvignon would be (especially while preparing dinner, eating dinner and then digesting dinner) but I have tried to focus on the positive.

Over the last 340 days of self-imposed temporary sobriety I have concentrated on thinking and writing about how I can happily live without booze, what I enjoy about living without booze, and what I love about being sober. I feel it is it better for my mental state to think about what I’m gaining rather than what I’m ‘losing’.

Having said that, I will admit my focus has changed over the course of this YOLS. For the first two-hundred and sixty-five days (or so!) I took great pleasure in marking off each soberday on my specially designed YOLS calendar. It gave (and gives) me a great sense of progress to see the soberdays in a row mounting up, one by one.

But when I hit the 265 days sober mark everything changed. I started my FADFOY countdown, which, by definition is all about the daily anticipation of what my First Alcoholic Drink For One Year will be.

Something flipped in my booze-less brain.

I went from seeing the soberdays accomplished as the main focus to looking towards the future when this bloody year off booze will be done and I can rejoin the ranks of the drinking.

Well, if that doesn’t prove my ‘struggle’ I don’t know what will. Clearly, no matter how well I articulate my addiction/addiction-denial, there is something about booze that has a hold on me.

Is it really the taste you miss, Ben? This is a question I ask a lot. Or is it really the effects of the alcohol, and the inebriated feeling I miss? Am I just making a mormon missionary-like mountain out of a measly mead molehill?

Who knows? One thing is for sure though, giving up alcohol for a year has been a struggle—but not an unbareable one. Dealing with urges formed from a lifetime habit of unconscious going-with-the-flow drinking has been about facing and owning up to the conflicting inner dialogue I have with myself pretty much every day.

Sometimes those conversations spill out and involve my wife, Pauli, and this blog, the Year of Living Sober. Both of which have made the last 340 days without a drink not only bearable but quite enlightening too; thanks to Pauli I get frequent reminders to ‘keep it real’ and thanks to your comments and readership I don’t feel as alone as I otherwise might have. And that makes the struggle that much easier.

Fun even.

So as successful as the YOLS blog is turning out to be, and while I gleefully watch the YOLS readership grow every week, I know the popularity of this blog all comes back to learning how to share the struggle.

And to be as positively honest as I can.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 340 of my year of living sober.

★

Little Booze Joke

A sickly looking bloke walks into a bar, orders 12 shots of the best scotch and starts drinking them as fast as he can. Bemused, the bartender asks, “Hey mate, why are you drinking so fast?” And the guy says, “You’d be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had.” The bartender nods understandingly and says “What do you have?” The guy finishes his last shot, stands up, wipes his lips clean and says, “Fifty cents.”

What do you think? Is it better to focus on the positive? Or is it good to talk about the struggle too? Love to get your comment.

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Oct 12 2012
4 Comments
Affirmations, Booze Jokes, Health, Humor, Inspiration

Dipsomaniac Declaration Number Eight

Today it’s time for the eighth in Year of Living Sober’s series of 12 Dipsomaniac Declarations.

Here’s Number Eight:

As a Dipsomaniac I release any need or desire to control others behaviour.

Like the rest of YOLS’ DDs number 8 is inspired by the corresponding Alcoholics Anonymous step. AAs step number 8 is:

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Why the AA step doesn’t work for dipsomaniacs.

While I reckon it’s a great idea to want to make up for any pain you may have caused others when in a drunken or intoxicated (and hence less present, conscious and self-aware) state I’m not sure it’s up to us to decide what somebody else needs.

I believe we’re always getting—at any given time—exactly what we need and, conversely, we’re giving what we need too.

Maybe a dose of drunken ‘harsh-truth’ is just what that ex-boyfriend needed to hear from his boozed up baby in order that he might shape up his act for his next girlfriend? If that guy needed even more motivation to change, like say, stumbling upon his drunken girlfriend in bed with his drunken best mate, maybe alcohol is just what the doctor (or Universal Force/Karma Bosswoman) ordered to help facilitate a change in his (and their?) understanding of how relationships can change and how people are always more than one thing.

Personal responsibility for everything that happens in our lives is a pretty radical concept for most people. We are conditioned to believe in a victim/persecutor mindset rather than explore a more philosophical approach to life that allows for ‘no innocent victims’.

I’ve been drunk and said nasty things, sure. I’ve been hurt by the actions of drunk partners, friends and strangers too, but I don’t blame any of them for anything; it was my thoughts, choices and actions that put me in the position to be on the ‘receiving end’ of those personal-growth-inspiring experiences. And if I can’t stand the heat in the bar it’s up to me to get out of the happy hour.

My name is Ben and I’m a dipsomaniac.

Today is Day 337 of my year of living sober.

★

Little Booze Joke

A nun, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

How about you? Do you think it’s best to let sleeping doggies sleep? Or should you wake ‘em up and say sorry for past indiscretions? Love to get your comment.

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