I am lustful.
Not when I’m drunk (well, not always)—what I mean is I have a lust for life. I love life. And one thing I love to do in life is…drink.
That’s right. I love to have a drink. An alcoholic drink.
Drinky, dinky, drinky do doo!
“But why would someone who loves drinking choose to stop for a year?” I hear you wonder (ESP being one of the unsung benefits of sobriety).
Good question.
Well, it’s because I love to drink I decided to take a year off drinking. And not only would I not get drunk for a year, I wouldn’t even take a sip. You see I didn’t want to let da’ drink take over to da’ point where and when (hopefully never) I could no longer enjoy alcohol in moderation.
And that was in danger of happening.
When I began my YOLS I was lucky to have one or, at the most, two nights in seven off booze.
And that had to change. Because maybe I was missing out on something? Maybe not drinking alcohol for a year would give me more than a break from the odd (very odd?) regrettable drunken outburst or pig-out.
The way I figured it life is too short to stumble through unconsciously, throwing each foot out in a mindless march towards the grave, without ever venturing off the well worn track of habitual nightly intoxication to dance your own dance in the great garden of varied sublime sober experience.
For too long I had gone with the flow (a flow which began somewhere around the age of fifteen and my First Time Pissed) but now I’ve re-chanelled my kinetic energy and am in a new flow. A flow that is not controlled by a hungover mind, a flow that is inspired by a simple, yet profound change. I’ve broken a habit of drinking alcohol almost every night simply by deciding not to.
I woke up one day and decided not to drink for the next 365. And the nights too.
But it wasn’t just my curiosity about what life would like be like if I didn’t drink alcohol at all—how would abstinence affect my social, work and family life—I wanted a break from wondering if after having a few too many I’d said or done something a bit angrier or more arrogant than I otherwise would have?
Maybe I wasn’t always a happy drunk?
And if it’s true what Rumi says in one of his poems, that…
“The source of your arrogance and anger is your lust
And the rootedness of that is in your habits.”
…then maybe I am not only breaking a habit bad for my health—by not drinking for a year, but I’m also breaking a habit I wasn’t even aware I had: a habit of arrogance and anger.
Me? Angry?
Moi? Arrogant?
Never. Surely?
Sometimes. Sure.
But maybe even less now I’ve been sober for 217 days?
And whether I was a happy, angry, lustful or know-it-all drunk—or a combination of all those and more—I haven’t had any excuse for anything I’ve done, said or thought in all that time. Except for being human. And maybe that’s all I need now?
My name is Ben and I’m a social experiment.
Today is Day 218 of my YOLS (Year Of Living Sober).
Little Booze Joke
A sex maniac walks into a busy bar and the bartender says, “What would you like?” and the sex maniac looks around the bar and says “Her. Her. Her. Her. Him. Her. Her. Them. Her. Her. Her. That. Her. Her. You?”
Badda bing a-ding-a-ling boom boom!
How about you? Are you a happy drunk or a know-it-all? Does alcohol make you a bit quick to anger sometimes? Are these questions too confronting to even consider? Do share…
Another great post…thanks for giving me something intelligent to ponder this evening.
Thanks Terry. My pleasure. Happy pondering!
Now, maybe I should go back and re-tag this post ‘intelligent’. Though I’m not sure how that would go against “FREE SEX” in the search engines.
Interesting post! I find what type of drunk I am varies depending on how frequently I’ve been drinking, what I’ve been drinking, who I’m with, and where I am. The fact that I rarely get that tingly-happy drunk feeling anymore is a likely sign I could do with a break from the booze myself! Once again, you’ve given me food for thought. Day 218 – amazing!
Thanks Becky. That’s a good point. I think it’s really important who you surround yourself with generally, but especially so when you’re hitting the sauce. And I too can attest as to the varying effects of different tipples: living in London I got to drinking Red Stripe lager and—even as I type the words I can feel a strange sensation up the back of my spine—that stuff made me wild. And not in a go out and climb a tree way, more a “what’s that guy ON!” way. Whereas Guinness, which I also drank a bit of, tended to give me a dull (!) high.
I’m not sure which drink is my best ‘just right’ happy medium? Maybe red wine? Which leads to an important question:
What would Goldilocks drink?
I can’t drink at all. the tiniest bit makes me sick (as in drunk first and later hungover). But I used to when I was younger and maybe that’s part of why it doesn’t agree with me. I had alcohol poisoning once when I was young too. In answer to your question though, I was a happy-crazy drunk that would do dumb stuff for a laugh… Phew, glad that part of my life is over! Good luck in your endeavour
Thanks for your comment and well wishes, Michellina.
Since starting my YOLS a few people have got in touch with me to tell me how they are allergic to alcohol—how drinking any amount violently disagrees with them; the chemistry of the human body is not always identical, I guess?
On that note, can I just say how much I like your blog, for the fascinating info you’re sharing (like The Story of Cosmetics, for one post). Blogs like yours remind me how we are each on our own journey to well being, and the path is as varied as human nature.
(For anyone interested here is Michellina’s blog:
TheLabyrinthOfChemicalSensitivities)
Choice is a powerful thing.
Nicely put the “The way I figured it life is too short to stumble through unconsciously, throwing each foot out in a mindless march towards the grave”.
I like to think of myself as a cheerful drinker. But who knows. Even a mere 45 days of abstinence makes you rethink your past too.
Are you writing more than before? Curious about the impact on your creative life.
Cheers Cheerful Deanne!
45 days now? That’s cool. Go CD!
Taking a break from booze has definitely made me more productive, and even if this blog is the only ‘extra’ writing I do in my year off, it will be worth it. I have learned a lot about the benefit of focussing on one subject, an idea which can be applied to all writing but seems particularly helpful in the busy blogosphere. You know, not only does focus bring a ‘niche’ it helps uncover your unique writing voice—your personality—when you are exploring one theme (as you do with your blog).
Plus, there’s no such thing as a drunken Tweet, Facebook update or comment. Some late night, drowsy ones maybe—but none drunk.
That is ALL good!
Focus is key. The daily habit helps for sure. Naturally I mean the daily blogging habit:) A dear friend who passed away told me that when you want to change something (we were talking about art, but applies to all kinds of stuff) do it for 15 minutes a day. Then it becomes a habit. I’m so grateful to her for that. It’s why I started my blog. Realising as I write that I’ll have to do a post about it.
Maybe your blog will become a book… eh? (as we say here in Canada:)
With this blog I didn’t set out to demonize da’ drink, nor to express regret over a foolish youth (what other kind is there?) but to focus on a new positive. Not so much NOT drinking alcohol as DRINKING life. A new life with a new experience.
Your friend gave good advice. Maybe we could sum it up with a tip of the hat to Andy Warhol by saying in the end we will all get our…
…15 minutes of change!
If that’s all it takes, then why not.
PS. Yes, the book looks like being my post YOLS project. Pretty excited actually.